Phineas and Ferb but Candace Doesn't want to Bust Them
by WTFamidoingwithmyexistence
Summary: Basically what the title says, Candace doesn't want to bust them. Don't expect regular updates, but unless I state otherwise this story is not dead. Rated T for some innuendos.
1. Rollercoaster

"So, Ferb, what do you want to do today?" Phineas asked Ferb as they leaned up against their tree.

Rather than use words, Ferb simply shrugged in response to his step-brother's question.

"What about Perry, what does he want to do today?" Phineas asked their pet who simply chattered in response. "Well, he's a platypus, they don't do much. I for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something of up with which I will not put! The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is "what did we do over the summer?". I mean, no school for three months. Our life should be a roller coaster! And I mean a good roller coaster, not like that one we rode at the state fair."

After flashing back to the lame rollercoaster Phineas spoke up again. "Man that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would... That's it! I know what we're going to do today!"

"Phineas, Ferb. I'm gonna pick up a few things. You boys stays out of trouble, okay?" Their mom said as she walked out of the house.

"Okay mom." Phineas said as she exited the backyard. "We're gonna build a rollercoaster!"

 _Meanwhile outside of the backyard_

"I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge?" Candace questioned her mom as she climbed into the car.

"Relax, Candace, nobody has to be in charge." Linda responded.

"What if a... What if a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the house?" Candace asked flashing her mom a smile.

"If that happens, you're in charge." Linda responded closing her door. As the car pulled away Candace punched the air with a "Yes!"

"Mom says I'm in charge… conditionally." Candace says to her brothers as she enters the backyard.

"Whatever." Phineas responded writing on something on a desk.

"Wait a minute, what are you doing?" Candace asked pointing a finger at them.

"Homework." Phineas responded not looking up from his desk.

"It's Summer."

"That's cool, you wait till the last minute then."

"Well I'm watching you." Candace said entering the house. "And I'm in charge conditionally!"

Just as she entered the house the home phone rang. "Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy! No, I can't get to the mall right now. Mom just went to the store, she left me in charge, well, you know, conditionally. And if you go, can you see if Jeremy is there? No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger. Yeah, he totally smiled at me the last time I was there. I just about died. No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and step-brother." For some reason a lion roared outside interrupting her conversation. "Will you hold it down, I am trying to use the phone! Mom left me in charge, so I need to stay home today. What are they doing right now? Why do you ask? What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!"

"Phineas, what is this!?" Candace shouted as she ran into the backyard and saw what they were really doing.

"Do you like it?" Phineas asked from on top of the hill.

"No, I don't like it! It's dangerous and looks very expensive!" Candace said concern all over her face and in her voice.

"Don't worry Candace, me and Ferb have the costs covered and all the carts will have seatbelts." Phineas said dispelling some of his sister's worries.

"How are you covering all the costs of a rollercoaster?!" Candace asked/yelled.

"Ferb offered to teach the CEO of a steel company classical guitar and the owner of a woodwork factory's daughter how to win debates." Phineas answered to which Ferb gave a thumbs up.

"Oh, well in that case have fun!" Candace said smiling and giving her brothers a wave before entering the house.

"We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter." Phineas said as his sister closed the door.

 _Then they finished the rollercoaster, rode it, and landed in the backyard a few minutes before their mom came home. When Linda entered the house she saw Phineas, Ferb, and Candace sitting on the couch together watching TV._

"Candace, I am very impressed. Not a single phone call." Linda said as she entered the kitchen.

"Well when you have brothers as awesome and easy as these guys there's no need for a phone call." Candace said before her face contorted into one of slight disgust. "That came out wrong didn't it?"

"Why, yes, yes it did." Ferb responded.


	2. Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror

Phineas, Ferb and Candace were sitting underneath their big oak tree trying to stay cool while listening to the radio.

"This is Stanky Dog comin' to you on the hottest day of the summer! Unless you live at the beach I say take it easy and do nothin' today. Yup, just find yourself a shady tree, and maybe an aquatic mammal of some sort, and blow the whole day off." The radio said.

"Come on Ferb... and Candace. If we let a little heat stop us from having the best day ever, then the morning DJs win." Phineas said jumping up from his sitting position.

"I think I'll pass, but feel free to do whatever you guys do." Candace said putting on a pair of sunglasses.

"Okay." Phineas said as he and Ferb entered the house and came out a minute later wearing their bathing suits. They walked over to a small sandbox and began filling it with water from a hose attached to the house.

As they were doing this Linda walked out of the house. "Ooh, boy, it is hot today! So what are you up to?"

"We're making our own beach, right here in the backyard." Phineas said. "Well at least Ferb and I are, Candace is letting the morning DJs win."

"Oh, how cute. Well I'm off to my spa day, you boys behave yourselves and don't bother your father. He's finally cleaning out the basement." Linda said before walking out of the backyard.

"Bye, Mom! Yes!" Candace said punching the air and pushing her sunglasses onto her forehead so she could see her brothers better. "You heard her. We can't bug Dad which makes me in charge… by default." Candace stared at them still filling the box with water for a few more seconds before putting her sunglasses back on. "Carry on."

"We're gonna need more sand." Phineas said looking away from Candace. "Hey, where's Perry?"

Some time passed while Phineas and Ferb waited for the sand to arrive. Candace walked inside to take a phone call and a good 5 minutes later the sand finally arrived.

"Aren't you a little young to be a landscape contractor?" The contractor asked Phineas as the sand was being poured behind the fence.

"Yes, yes I am." Phineas said as Isabella walked up to him.

"HI, Phineas." Isabella said.

"Oh, hey Isabella."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Building a beach. Check it out." Phineas said pointing at Ferb who was posing on a sprinkler.

"Can me and the Fireside Girls be life guards? We need to earn our Aquatic Safety badges." Isabella asked.

"Sure." Phineas answered as Candace walked back out of the house. "Hey, Candace."

Candace simply waved at him while still talking on the phone. "I mean, I've been a friend of Suzy's longer than Katie, so I should've been invited to that party first. I don't care if they're lab partners! We're locker neighbors. And locker neighbors trumps lab partners any day."

"Welcome to our beach." Phineas said as the fence dropped behind him.

"Whoa, that's some beach…" Candace said with a look of awe on her face. "Wait a second, what happened to the houses behind ours?"

"The owners and families agreed to have them airlifted out for the day as long as they got to use the beach." Phineas explained. "We were gonna open the beach to everybody anyway so it was a good deal."

"Hey, Candace." Stacy said from behind Candace making her look at her phone.

"Oh, sorry Stacy I forgot I had you on the line." Candace said into the phone.

"No, silly, I'm behind you." Stacy said making Candace whip around.

"Jenny? Stacy?" Candace asked looking at her 2 friends.

"You never told us you had a beach in your backyard!" Jenny said.

"You're going to be the most popular girl in the neighborhood." Stacy said.

"I will?" Candace asked putting her phone away.

"I just saw Jeremy and his buddies with their surf boards." Stacy said pointing behind Candace to Jeremy and his buddies holding surf boards.

"Jeremy's here?" Candace asked whipping around. "Gotta go!"

 _Then they all had fun at the beach, danced to Ferb's amazing singing, Candace got to dance with Jeremy, and then they all subsequently ran away from the volcano that opened in the middle of the drained beach and launched thousands of lawn gnomes all over the city. An hour or so later Linda arrived back home to find Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and Isabella all chilling underneath the oak tree._

"Hey, guys." Linda said entering the backyard.

"Hey, Mom." Phineas said while Candace, Ferb and Isabella waved at her.

"So how was your day at the beach?" Linda asked the quartet.

"It was awesome!" Phineas exclaimed to which the other three nodded their heads.

"Well I'm glad that you were able to have fun despite the heat." Linda said walking into the house.

A few moments later the radio which was still sitting under the tree next to them started to talk again. "Stanky Dog here with a special shout-out to my two new pals, Phineas and Ferb, for hosting a beach party that was hot, hot, hot. And speaking of hot, slather on the sunscreen listeners, cause tomorrow's weather calls for another scorcher."

"With a slight chance of scattered lawn gnomes." Ferb said causing everyone to laugh.


	3. Flop Starz

Phineas and Ferb were sitting in their dining room enjoying their delicious and nutritious breakfast of cereal. Meanwhile a commercial for a pop teen idol audition was playing on the TV when Candace suddenly ran into the room and began talking to the TV.

"Auditions!? Today!?" Candace asked the TV.

"Yes, today! At 2 O'clock sharp." The TV responded causing Candace to pick it up and kiss it.

"I gotta tell Stacy!" Candace exclaimed running off with the TV. She didn't get very far and quickly fell to the ground.

"That pop star stuff might be fun at first, but then you're stuck in a dead-end job. Too bad you can't just do it once and move on." Phineas said sticking a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Well, what you're talking about is a one-hit-wonder." Linda said from the kitchen.

"A one-hit-wonder? What's that?" Phineas asked putting his spoon down and grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil.

"Well, a musical act goes to the top of the charts with a catchy tune and meaningless lyrics." Linda started to explain pausing for a few seconds before continuing. "Then they throw a big diva tantrum, lose their label, and then fade to obscurity. Before they know it, their song ends up as: elevator music. Years later, they have a reunion concert... and after that, they never sing again. And no one...remembers them. Not that I would know anything about that."

"A one-hit-wonder…" Phineas said as he finished writing down on the paper. "Ferb, I know what we're going to do today." Looking up Phineas said Ferb standing on the kitchen table with a guitar before strumming a sick riff.

 _Sometime later at the Googolplex Mall._

"Ladies and gentlemen, this young lady has the honor of singing onstage with PFT. So now, the band you've been waiting for: Phineas and the Ferb-Tones!" The announcer announced over a loudspeaker as Candace walked on stage while the curtain behind her opened up to reveal Phineas, Ferb and the Fireside Girls.

"Phineas!?" Candace asked as he walked up to her.

"Candace? You're the hundredth contestant? How serendipitous. This'll be like a brother and sister thing! Now I'm assuming you've heard our hit single. I mean, who hasn't, right? It's a big hit." Phineas said handing her a sheet of paper. "So here's the words; don't worry if you get lost. The lyrics are meaningless anyway. I'll point when it's your turn."

"Okay, this is going to be great!" Candace said as the song started to kick in.

 _Candace then proceeded to sing the song with PFT. After the song was over they all walked backstage._

"That was great guys!" Candace said as the curtains closed on the stage.

"Yeah, it'll be even better during our reunion tour!" Phineas said as a man in a suit walked up to them.

"What do you mean reunion-" Candace started but was cut-off by the man.

"Hi, I'm Ben Baxter, Huge-O-Records. Why don't you come by my office in an hour and we can talk about your future." The man said handing Phineas a business card before walking away.

"Future? Cool. He must be some kind of psychic." Phineas said pocketing the business card. "What were you saying Candace?"

"What do you mean reunion tour?" Candace asked again.

"Well we aren't in this to start a career, we're only doing this today." Phineas explained pulling out the checklist he made at breakfast.

"You mean you guys aren't my ticket to stardom?" Candace asked sadly as Phineas handed her the piece of paper.

"Don't worry Candace, you can always ride the fame that will come from when videos of our performance are posted on the internet." Isabella said followed by the Fireside Girls nodding in agreement.

"Well… I guess I can work with that…" Candace said handing the paper back to Phineas. "What did that guy hand you Phineas?"

"Some kind of business card." Phineas said pulling the card back out of his pocket and handing it to Candace.

"Looks like this guy works for a record company, and judging by what he said he wants to offer us a lucrative contract." Candace said looking the business card over before handing it back.

"Well looks like it's time to throw our diva tantrum… well at least in an hour it will be." Phineas said pocketing the card for a second time.

"An hour? Shoot, I have to meet Mom in an hour." Candace said stomping the ground.

"Aw, well don't worry Candace, if you can convince Mom to stay for a bit you can join us for the reunion song." Phineas suggested.

"Hey, that's pretty good... of an idea I mean. Mom can watch us perform to boot!" Candace said snapping her fingers. "Well I'm gonna go catch Stacy so we can go shopping for a bit, call me when you get fired, okay?"

"Alright." Phineas said waving as Candace walked off.

 _After shopping for a while with Stacy, Candace met Linda, convinced her to stay for the reunion performance then performed. It was just as good, if not better, than the first time._

"I have to say boys, I am very impressed with your meaningless lyric writing chops." Linda said as they walked off the stage.

"Well it's all in the-" Ferb started before being cut off by all the lights in the mall turning off and a man speaking over the intercom.

"The mall is now closed and will re-open at 9:00 A.M. tomorrow. Thank you for shopping with us."


	4. The Fast and the Phineas

"Oh, I have got to take a new picture of myself for my blog. I didn't realize mine was already a week old." Candace said before taking a selfie and walking past the garage. "That's better."

"Oh, hey, Candace!" Phineas said from inside the garage causing Candace to backtrack to the doorway.

"Hey, Phineas, hey, Ferb." Candace greeted as she reached the doorway. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MOM'S CAR?!"

"We tricked it out!" Phineas said gesturing to it.

"You don't even know how to drive." Candace said pointing a finger at him.

"Well, duh. That's why Ferb built this remote." Phineas said as Ferb pressed a button on the remote and the car started.

"Well what are you planning to do with it?" Candace asked.

"We're gonna enter the Swamp Oil 500!" Phineas answered throwing his hands up.

"Well make sure you wear your seatbelts." Candace said starting to walk away.

"Wait, Candace!" Phineas called out causing her to stop.

"Yes?"

"You should come down and watch the race."

"Sorry, but watching a bunch of cars turn left for 2 hours isn't on my agenda for today." Candace said walking away again.

"Well there'll be a ticket for you on the kitchen counter if you change your mind." Phineas said as Candace started climbing the stairs.

 _Later, after the race_

"Hmm. Looks like we're walking then." Phineas said as their car sped off.

"Hey, Phineas- wait, where's Mom's car?" Candace said walking up to them.

"I dunno, it just sped off. But I'm sure it'll turn up again. Regardless, I'm glad you showed up Candace." Phineas said setting down the giant trophy he was carrying.

"What, you thought I would miss my little brother's first race?" Candace said leaning on the giant trophy. "Not a ch- whoa!"

The trophy tipped over and Candace fell partly into it before it slammed into the ground.

"Uh, Candace… you okay?" Isabella asked crouching in front of the trophy.

Candace simply groaned in response.

"Well, looks like we're carrying her back." Phineas said as they flipped the trophy back to its standing position pushing Candace all the way into it.

From inside the trophy Candace groaned again.

 _After walking back to their house._

"Phineas, Ferb is that you?" Linda called out from the kitchen when she heard the front door open.

"Yeah, Mom, we're home. Candace is with us too." Phineas said closing the door behind him.

"I saw what you did today." Linda said as Phineas and Ferb walked behind her still carrying the trophy and Candace.

"Yeah, how'd you like it?" Phineas asked.

"I loved it! Now who wants some snacks?" Linda asked pouring some juice into cups.

"Thanks, Mom!" Phineas said as he and Ferb carried the trophy up to Candace's room.


	5. Lights, Candace, Action!

_**Just wanted to thank a reviewer named Galaxina-the-Seedrian for their kind words… all 90 of them. Glad that someone is enjoying this.**_

 _ **Also, if anyone was wondering I'm writing these in the airing order according to the wikia.**_

"'To think… To dream… Whether 'tis nobler to love, I know not.' Ah, _The Princess Sensibilities_. My favorite play." Candace said speaking to her mirror before being interrupted by a loud roar coming from outside. "What is going on out there?!" Rushing outside she saw Phineas and Ferb filming a miniature Danville, with Ferb moving a 'giant' lizard around crushing houses.

"Oh, hey, Candace. How's your head?" Phineas greeted as she walked up.

"It's fine, but what is up with all the noise out here?" Candace asked stopping just in front of the movie set.

"Ferb and I are filming our latest movie, it's about a giant lizard destroying a city!" Phineas said excitedly

"Well couldn't you just add the sound effects on the computer?" Candace asked pointing a finger at the house.

"Well we could but-" Phineas started before being interrupted by Candace.

"Wait, I thought you said this was a giant lizard movie? Why is there a giant spider puppet here too?" Candace asked pointing at the arachnid on the set.

"There's not, it's a real spider." Phineas said. "I don't know where it came from though…"

Candace didn't hear the last part of that because after hearing it was real she quickly stomped on it, crushing a house in the process, and exclaimed "Those things ruin everything!"

"Cool." Phineas said having recorded the whole thing with the camera.

"Oh, sorry I'm late. They're filming down the street." Linda said walking into the backyard carrying bags of groceries.

"Filming? What are they filming?" Candace asked running up to her mother.

"A movie version of the play, _The Princess Sensibilities_." Linda responded before walking into the house.

"I would be perfect for that part! I've been practicing it for my drama club all summer! I'm gonna get discovered!" Candace exclaimed running into the house after her mother.

"That's serendipitous." Phineas said looking over at Ferb. "But I thought she wanted to be a singer."

Ferb simply shrugged in response.

"Hey, where's Perry?" Phineas asked looking around the backyard and giving me the perfect opportunity to end the scene.

 _Half an hour or so later at lunch_

"Thanks, Mom." Phineas said taking the sandwich his mother made for him and sitting down at the dining room table.

"Yours is next Ferb." Linda said as Ferb stared longingly at Phineas' sandwich.

After taking a few bites Phineas' phone began to ring. Picking It up he began to talk to some big movie producer.

"Uh-huh. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No. Yes. Ew, ugh, oh, that's just- ugh disgusting. Yes." Phineas spoke into the phone before hanging it up just as Linda handed Ferb his sandwich.

"Sorry, Ferb, looks like we have to postpone lunch. We just got hired to direct Candace's movie." Phineas said hopping out of his chair and leaving Ferb alone with his sandwich (and mother).

Ferb looked down at the delicious pile of grain, meat, and dairy products before shedding a single tear as he got up and left it behind.

 _Phineas and Ferb then proceeded to rewrite the script of_ The Princess Sensibilities _to suit their tastes. Then they filmed it, then it bombed in the theatres. A sad end for such an ambitious project._

"Sorry kids. They hated it. The movie's dead."

"Well, at least we had fun." Phineas said as Candace, Ferb and him started to walk home.

"Yeah, but what about me? I was gonna be a star!" Candace said, her eyes sparkling at the word 'star'.

"Don't worry, Candace. We saved a copy of your best scenes. We're gonna put it on our website right away." Phineas said. "Also, you're already moderately famous. Our music video got 96 million hits on our website."

"Oh, that's right." Candace said putting a finger to her chin. "Heh, I forgot about that."

 _In Phineas and Ferb's room_

"Oh boy, this is gonna be great!" Phineas said excitedly as the video they uploaded started.

It was simply Candace crushing the spider, and a house, before shouting in slow motion 'Those things ruin everything!' Followed by the Earth popping.

"Whoa, check it out!" Phineas said pointing at a counter beneath the video. "5 million hits already? I bet everyone we know saw it!"

"Meep." Candace said before falling over onto the floor.

"Goodnight, Candace." Phineas said not even taking his eyes off the computer screen.

 _ **I figure I should say this now as this story is still in its infancy… Some episodes will stay the same because Candace busting them either isn't mentioned or is a negligible part of the episode. For example, this episode, if you didn't notice I only "wrote" about 1/5 of the episode because the rest is the same with "my Candace" and bust-happy Candace.**_

 _ **If anyone has any ideas for future episodes like this leave a review and I'll mull over it.**_


	6. Raging Bully

Candace, Phineas and Ferb were sitting underneath the big oak tree in their backyard enjoying Summer listening to some cool tunes on their radio. Suddenly Candace said something that drew Phineas out of his stupor.

"Jeremy is so cute, especially when he's in his Mr. Slushy Dog uniform." Candace said looking at pictures of an unassuming or confused Jeremy on her phone.

"Whatcha looking at, Candace?" Phineas said turning to face his sister.

"Oh… I didn't realize I was, uh, speaking out loud…" Candace said laughing nervously and giving Phineas a sheepish smile.

"Kids, my jazz trio has a gig at the Squat n' Stich today. Why don't you three hang out at the mall together?" Linda asked startling the three of them as they hadn't seen her come into the backyard.

"The mall?" Candace asked as a lightbulb went off in her head. "I can visit Jeremy at Mr. Slushy Dog!"

"Well let's go then." Linda said leading the trio out of the backyard and into the car.

After driving for a short while they arrived at the mall. Linda parked the car, they exited the car, and then they entered the mall. Linda handed Candace 2 10 dollar bills and walked up on stage.

"Testing. Welcome everyone, uh, we'll be playing some free formed jazz today. It might get a little crazy, so, hold on to those knitting needles." Linda spoke into the microphone on stage before hitting a triangle. "Hit it, girls."

Candace looked away from her mother and towards her brothers before speaking. "Alright, squirts. Here's your cut. Go grab a table and something to eat. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to Mr. Slushy Dog."

Phineas watched his sister walk away for a few seconds before turning to Ferb and uttering 3 fateful words… "Hey, where's Perry?"

 _Approximately 2 and 3 quarters of a minute later at Mr. Slushy Dog_

"Oh, hey Candace." Jeremy greeted Candace as she walked towards the restaurant.

"Heh. My cell phone appears to be ringing." Candace said holding her cellphone out in front of her and taking a picture of Jeremy and giggling to herself. "Whoops! My camera went off!"

Quickly walking away Candace said Phineas and Ferb sitting at a lunch table next to another kid. As she was walking over to them a bigger kid whom she recognized from their beach came and sat on the kid. After a few words were exchanged the bigger kid yelped and jumped out of his seat with ice cream on his crotch. Stifling a laugh, her happy demeanor quickly changed as the bigger kid grabbed Phineas' shirt collar. Breaking out into a run she managed to get to them at the same time as Isabella.

"Hey! Put him down!" Isabella demanded as Candace came to a stop beside her.

"Do as she says!" A voice came from Buford's butt. Buford quickly pulled Baljeet out from in there. "Violence can only lead to more violence." Baljeet said finishing his sentence.

"Sounds good to me." Buford said pulling his arm back to punch Phineas.

Candace was about to do something when a voice spoke out from the crowd.

"Hold it!" A man said emerging from the group of people.

"World heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield?" Isabella asked recognizing the man.

"How do you even know that?" Candace asked as Phineas also asked Evander if he was too old to be boxing.

"I earned my 'World Heavyweight Boxing' patch last week." Isabella explained as Evander confirmed that he was, indeed, old for a boxer.

"Cool." Phineas said oblivious to the second conversation going on behind him.

"If you have to fight, do it the time-honored way, out behind the mall at 3:00." Evander said getting back to the, literal, matter at hand.

"Uh, Ferb, how's our 3:00?" Phineas asked his brother who gave a thumbs-up in response. "We'll be there."

"Don't be late. My mom's picking me up at 4:00." Buford said dropping Phineas and walking away.

"Looks like we found something to do today." Phineas said turning to face everyone.

"What you have found is a One-way magic carpet ride to your own destruction." Baljeet said.

"He's right. Remember what happened to the last kid Buford fought?" Isabella said as everyone but Candace seemed to space out for a few seconds before returning to normal. "I don't want that to happen to you."

"Uh, am I missing something because you all just-" Candace started to say before Evander interrupted her.

"It won't, 'cause I'm gonna train him."

After a nice musical number involving Phineas doing strange workouts in the mall, Phineas and Ferb began constructing the giant boxing ring in the mall parking lot. Candace on the other went to find her mother before things got farther out of hand than they already were.

"Mom! Phineas is about to fight some bully!" Candace said sticking her head out from behind the curtain next to her mother on stage.

"Come on, Candace. Has Phineas ever gotten into an argument before? Much less a fight." Linda said rolling her eyes at her daughter. "Oh, my solo!"

"But Mom! Phineas could get hurt!" Candace said as Linda played a single note on the triangle.

"Alright, Candace, tell me where this 'fight' is and I'll swing by as soon as I can." Linda said taking her hands off her keyboard to briefly make air quotes when she said fight.

"Behind the Mall at 3:00."

"Alright, I'll be there. Now why don't you go there yourself and try and stop Phineas from 'fighting' this bully." Linda said making air quotes around fight once again.

As Candace was running to the back of the mall she happened to pass Mr. Slushy Dog. Standing on the counter was Jeremy who was balancing several cups, corndogs and an assortment of miscellaneous items you would find behind the counter of a fast food restaurant. Pulling her phone out Candace took a picture before giggling and continuing her path.

"Wow, my photo gallery is almost full. I'm going to have to start printing these out so I can get more!" Candace said looking through her photos of Jeremy as she ran. Candace arrived at the boxing ring right as the crowd began declaring a thumb war.

"The fighters spring to life, they're squaring up to each other, YOW! Flynn hits the mat! Buford gots him where he wants him, and look, and Oh! Into the turnbuckle! Clothesline! That can't feel good! Hold onto your seats folks, this one's gonna be brutal!" The announcer shouted into a microphone as Candace approached the ring.

As Phineas approached Evander the crowd began making "ooh" noises for some reason.

"I don't think this is going so well." Phineas said as Evander held a cup with a straw up for Phineas to drink from.

"Nonsense, kid. Go for the gold! Fight fire with fire! Aw, shoot. Shoot him the stink-eye! Uh, Grease the pig! Ah, I got nothing" Evander said trying to come up with a way for Phineas to win.

"I've got something." Candace said grabbing their attention. "Have you ever tried apologizing to Buford?" Phineas, Evander and Ferb all looked between one another before Evander spoke up.

"Now that's just ridiculous, do you really think a bully will accept an apology?"

"I dunno, have you tried?" Candace asked putting her hands on her hips.

Once again Phineas, Ferb and Evander looked between one another before Phineas walked away and approached the miniature boxing ring.

"Good you're back, let's get this over with." Buford said putting his thumb back into the ring.

"Actually, Buford I wanted to apologize." Phineas said making Buford's eyes go wide.

"So what?" Buford said his eyes returning to normal.

"Well, can't say I tried." Phineas said sticking his thumb back into the ring as well as the announcer rang a bell.

"A right hook! A darting left jab!" The announcer announced as Buford's thumb 'punched' Phineas' multiple times. "No!"

"Buford is climbing the turnbuckles! He's on the top rope!" The announcer announced as Buford's thumb began rising in the air before slamming down onto Phineas' before spinning around rapidly, grinding it into the hole. "Oh! The dreaded Boston belt sander!"

Buford grabbed Phineas' thumb and pulled it along with the rest of his body through the hole before tossing him into the corner of the bigger ring.

"No! Oh, the humanity! Flynn falls hard! The crowds on its feet!" The announcer announced as the crowd, as if on cue, all stood up to get a better view. "It's over! It's all over!"

As Buford prepared his finishing move Evander and the announcer began crying, Isabella shielded her eyes with the ring's ropes and Candace started pulling on her hair. Just when it looked like Buford was about to deal the killing blow a glob of ice cream fell out of the sky and landed on Phineas' head.

"Ice cream fell on you!" Buford said through his laughter. "Now we're both humiliated in public. Whaddya say? Even Steven?"

"Sure, Buford. Even Steven." Phineas said putting his hand out for Buford to shake, which he did.

As Phineas and Buford separated and went to their corners a ginormous TV screen fell out of the sky with the words "CLEAN UP MESS" in big bold letters. As the crowd began scrambling to clean things up Phineas and Buford bid adieu to Evander Holyfield.

"Thank you, Mr. Holyfield." Buford said.

"Yeah. Wouldn't have been real without you." Phineas added.

"Happy to help you boys find a slightly less valid way to settle your differences." Evander said walking away from the group as Perry walked up and made his chattering noise.

"There you are, Perry." Phineas said as a door behind them opened. Phineas turned to face the person whom he recognized. "Hi, Mom!"

"Hey, kids!" Linda said walking up to the group of children and platypus. "Candace, I thought you said there was a fight going on?"

"There was, but we managed to settle our differences peacefully." Phineas answered for his sister.

"Well, I'm glad you could work things out without getting hurt." Linda said smiling at her son. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get back for the second set."

"Don't ever do something like that again!" Candace said sternly while pointing a finger at Phineas as Linda walked away.

"Well it's not like I did it on purpose." Phineas said innocently.

"Hey, Dinnerbell." Buford said grabbing Phineas' attention. "That was the best battle ever. Same thing tomorrow?"

"Nah. I like to keep moving forward." Phineas answered.

"Sharks have to keep moving forward, or they'll drown." Ferb said making everyone turn to look at him.

"Are you calling me a shark?!" Buford asked angrily, getting close to Ferb's face. Ferb wasn't having any of this though, and pinched him in the neck.

"Ferb!" Phineas exclaimed stuttering a little.

"Well, he _was_ all up in my face." Ferb said as Buford groaned from the ground.

"What happened?"


	7. Candace Loses Her Head

Candace was sleeping soundly in her bed, all snuggled up in her covers when Perry walked into the room. Hopping onto Candace's bed he walked on top of her before chattering in her face, waking her up.

"Perry?" Candace asked yawning as she sat up. "How'd you get in here…?" Candace asked herself before looking at her still closed bedroom door.

Perry simply chattered in response.

Grabbing Perry, Candace exited her room and walked downstairs to the kitchen where Linda and Lawrence were standing while Phineas and Ferb were sitting at the dining room table. Walking over to Ferb she handed Perry to him.

"Here, don't know how he got into my room."

"Happy birthday, Candace! I made you a special breakfast!" Linda said gesturing to a large pile of pancakes with a birthday candle on the top of them.

"And after that, we have a surprise!" Lawrence said making Candace excited.

"What is it?! Where is it?!" Candace said looking around frantically expecting to see a large present or something of the sort.

"We have to drive to it."

"Oooooooooooh!" Candace exclaimed excitedly sitting down at the table as Linda brought over her pancakes.

After consuming an unhealthy number of pancakes, Candace went back upstairs to get dressed. After that they all piled into the family car and began their drive towards wherever they were going.

"is it the Mall?" Candace asked referring to their destination.

"No." Linda responded plainly.

"Okay…" Candace said looking around as if looking for clues to their destination. "But it's the Mall, right?"

"No, it's not the mall." Lawrence said as they pulled into the parking lot for… wait for it…

"We're going to Mt. Rushmore!" Linda said excitedly looking through a pamphlet as the car came to a halt. "Four American presidents carved into the side of a mountain."

"It was Phineas and Ferb's idea!" Lawrence announced.

Candace simply turned to look at them.

"You're welcome." Phineas said before climbing out of the car with Ferb and Perry.

"You lot go on ahead. I'll find a parking spot and meet you there!" Lawrence said once everyone climbed out of the car.

"We're going up to the monument. Come on, Perry." Phineas said walking off with Perry and Ferb as Lawrence drove away.

"Okay, we'll join you in a minute!" Linda called out before grabbing Candace's arm. "Come on, let's go shop."

After leading Candace into the store Linda began picking things up and looking at them, while Candace made snide remarks about them. After a few minutes of this, Candace looked over to a corner of the store and saw a Mr. Slushy Burger. And Jeremy!

"Jeremy?" Candace asked herself before running over to the counter. "Hi, Jeremy."

"Hey, Candace." Jeremy greeted as she sat down at a stool.

"What are you doing here?" Candace asked cupping her chin in her hands and resting her elbows on the counter.

"Ah, I'm just here on the Mr. Slushy Burger worker exchange program." Jeremy explained as Phineas and Ferb walked past a window nearby.

"Well it's my birthday today and my brothers convinced my parents to take me to Mt. Rushmore… for some reason." Candace said turning to watch Phineas and Ferb walk past the window several more times carrying different items with them each time.

"Well, happy birthday! Can I get you anything?" Jeremy asked as Linda walked up behind Candace.

Candace was about to say something when Linda spoke up. "Honey, why don't we go see the mountain? You can eat lunch later."

"Fine." Candace said with a groan before perking up when she spoke to Jeremy. "Be right back!"

After walking up all those stairs to the monument Candace and Linda were not impressed when what they saw looked more like a cardboard drawing of Mt. Rushmore than the actual thing.

"Hmm. I guess things look better in photos." Linda said just before her phone rang. "Oh, it's Dad."

Candace and Linda walked back down the stairs and Candace got to hear half of a phone conversation, that's always fun, right? After arriving at the gift shop, they met up with Lawrence of Arabia and Linda continued looking at the knick-knacks and tchotchkes. Candace on the other hand went back to the Mr. Slushy Burger and continued to flirt with Jeremy for around 10 minutes before she got a phone call.

"Hehe, one second." Candace said turning around on the stool, pulling her phone out and answering it seeing that it was Phineas. "What?"

"Come up to the monument, we have a surprise for you!" Phineas said excitedly.

"Ugh, fine I'll be right up." Candace said putting her phone away before turning back to Jeremy. "My brothers have a surprise for me up at the monument. I'll be back in a bit, kay?"

"Uh, alright." Jeremy said as Candace started to walk away.

"That's lame, Mom." Candace said walking past Linda who was holding a group of 4 Mt. Rushmore bobbleheads.

"Where are you going, missy?" Linda asked.

"Phineas and Ferb said they have a surprise for me!" Candace said excitedly as she left the gift shop.

After walking back up the long and arduous staircase a second time, Candace was not amused, for a second time, to see a crudely drawn Mt. Rushmore and a stunning lack of little brothers.

"Phineas? Ferb? Where are you two?" Candace called out to the relatively empty viewing area, save for an elderly couple on the opposite end of the platform.

Just when Candace was about to call Phineas and ask him what the big idea was making her walk all the way back up that staircase, a loud slam made her look up towards Mt. Rushmore. Instead of a crudely drawn piece of cardboard she saw the actual mountain, with Phineas and Ferb standing underneath a fifth head with a cloth on top of it.

Yanking the cloth off the mysterious fifth head, Phineas and Ferb revealed a giant replica of Candace's face. Candace would've been flattered if the head wasn't so gosh darned ugly.

"Oops." Phineas said after a long pause. Ferb pulled out a hammer and tapped the bottom of the mountain causing a giant crack to work its way up towards Candace's granite face. Once it reached her face it broke off all the ugly parts and revealed a brightly smiling Candace face.

"Huh?" Candace said as tears started to well in her eyes. "Why it's…" Candace said sobbing. "I-it's… _**IIIIT'S BEAUUUUTIFULLLL**_ " Candace said breaking into full on tears of happiness.

Hopping the railing of the viewing area Candace ran up to Phineas and Ferb and glomped them into a hug. After Candace cried all over them a loud noise from above grabbed their attention.

Looking up all 3 of them noticed lava starting to burst out of Candace's face, almost as if the universe was using this as a joke about acne on teens. Candace made a long and loud 'Ewwww!" while Phineas and Ferb simply watched in awe as the lava before flowing down the mountain. Suddenly, the entirety of Candace's face exploded leaving nothing in its wake. Phineas, Ferb and Candace clambered back onto the viewing platform as water from the geyser in front of the mountain hit the lava, cooling it off.

"I take it you liked your birthday present?" Phineas said turning to face his saddened sister.

"It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me…" Candace started tears welling up in her eyes again.

"Now the question is: Did you like it more or less than the gorilla in the cake." Ferb said making all of them start laughing. After a few seconds of laughter they started making their way down the stairs.


	8. I, Brobot

"I'd love to come over and watch you get your ears pierced, Stacy, but my Mom went to Zippy Pics and left me in charge of my brothers." Candace said shifting her legs in her chair as Phineas walked past the big window. "Oh, here they come now. Phineas and Ferrrruh, Phineas?" Candace said in shock as a second Phineas walked past the window. "I'll have to call you back!" Candace said hanging up the phone.

Candace ran outside only to see that there wasn't just 1 set of Phineas', there were dozens of them. Candace began shouting Phineas and Ferb's names while looking around at the multiple pairs of them. Eventually she just started screaming before running back towards the house only to be stopped by Phineas in the doorway.

"Whoa, hey, Candace calm down." Phineas said grabbing her arm as she ran past him.

"Get your roboty hands off me!" Candace shrieked pushing and pulling as much as she could to try and break free from his grip.

"I'm not one of the robots Candace." Phineas said not even reacting to all of Candace's efforts to remove her arm from his (not at all tight) grip.

"Oh." Candace said stopping her assaults. "Well what's up with all the robots!?"

"Ferb and I realized that if there were more of us we could build more things before Summer ends." Phineas explained letting go of her arm.

"Well, have fun with your… uh, Brobots I guess. I'll be in here. With the blinds closed. If you need me." Candace said closing the blinds on all the windows in the living room before sitting down in the chair.

"You have fun too with your, sitting inside, I guess." Phineas said exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

"I wonder if Stacy was serious about getting her ear's pierced…" Candace said to herself taking her phone out of her pocket.

 _About 10 minutes later Linda arrived at the house._

"Hey, Candace, did you see the Phineas and Ferb 'robots' in the backyard?" Linda asked entering the house from the backyard.

"Yes, and they creep me out." Candace said with a shudder.

"Well that's not very nice, honey." Linda said before producing the pictures she had developed from her pocket. "Anyway, want to see some pictures I had developed?"

"Sure, do you have any of me?" Candace asked standing up from the chair to meet her mother.

"As a matter of fact, I do." Linda said flipping through the pictures until one of Candace was on top of the pile.

"Cool."

 _ **Alright I was really trying to find a witty way to end this but I couldn't so have an anti-climactic ending. Ooh, ooh wait I got something.**_

Ferb walked into the garage later that day to find Candace inserting a photo of herself into their robot building device. After a few seconds the computer recognized Candace's picture and she activated the machine. The bell rang and a Candroid exited the box. Candace looked over to see herself and screamed before running directly at Ferb and barreling him over. After gathering his thoughts Ferb followed Candace down to their panic room and quickly climbed inside and sat down next to her.

"What kind of photo copier makes robots!?" Candace shouted.

 _ **Okay maybe it wasn't as good as I thought, whatever.**_


	9. Run Away Runway

_**Happy to know someone found my witty ending for I, Brobot funny. Thanks, OnTheRun246.**_

Candace was sitting on the couch watching a fashion show when Phineas walked by holding a wrench. After watching the TV for a few seconds Phineas spoke up.

"Whatcha watching?" Phineas asked plopping onto the couch cushion next to Candace.

"Only the latest looks from the world's greatest fashion designer, Gaston Le Mode." Candace answered.

"I don't get it. Why would anyone want to wear such goofy looking clothes?"

"It's not goofy! Fashion designers create art. That people live in."

"Hmm. I never thought of it that way."

"So, what are you up to today?" Candace asked as Phineas got off the couch.

"Well, Ferb and I _were_ going to solve Cold Fusion… but you gave me another idea." Phineas said walking over to an open window. "Ferb, put the Cold Fusion Reactor on hold, I know what we're going to do today!"

"Pfft, you were gonna solve Cold Fusion? With that simple little wrench?" Candace said pointing at the wrench in Phineas' hand.

"Well, it wouldn't have involved only the wrench. But you're right, this is a pretty simple wrench. What I _really_ want is a left-handed flange tuner." Phineas said exiting the room.

"A left-handed flange tuner, eh?" Candace said writing a note down on a pad of paper she grabbed out of seemingly nowhere. After scribbling down her note, she turned her attention back to the TV just as Gaston Le Mode made an announcement.

"As now, to my world tour, I, Gaston Le Mode, will be at the-" Gaston started before his voice was replaced with a different voice.

"Googolplex Mall!"

"-today." Gaston's voice finished the sentence.

By the end of his sentence Candace had already dialed Stacy's phone number. "Stacy, I know what we're going to do today!" Candace said hopping off the couch and leaving the room, leaving Perry all alone.

 _After talking her mom into driving her and Stacy to the mall Candace and Stacy made a bee line for the runway._

"There it is; The world's most famous runway of Gaston Le Mode. Oh, Stacy, can you imagine the glamorous life of a supermodel?" Candace said drifting off into dreamland, though she still narrated her dream for Stacy. "Hi, I'm Candace. I'm sure you recognize me from my countless magazine covers. You know, being a supermodel is hard work; The bright lights, the deafening applause, and all those paper cuts from counting my huge stacks of money. That's why I start every morning with Candace Os."

"Candace?" Stacy asked snapping Candace out of la-la land.

"What?"

"Candace Os?" Stacy asked putting her hands on her hips. "Seriously?"

"I really shouldn't fantasize on an empty stomach." Candace said with a sigh as a man behind her gasped.

"Uh… can I help you?" Candace asked turning to face the man staring at her… neck…?

"You must come with me at once, I work for Gaston Le Mode." The man said grabbing Candace's wrist.

"Hold it right there, buddy!" Candace said slapping his hand off her wrist. "How do I know you are who you say you are. On top of that, what would Gaston Le Mode want with a simple girl like me?"

"A simple gi- A SIMPLE GIRL!?" The man shouted. "You, my girl, are _her_."

"…her?" Candace said after several seconds.

"Candace, maybe we should just run?" Stacy whispered to her friend, now officially creeped out by the man.

"Come, come! Gaston can explain further!" The man said not hearing Stacy's comment. With that the man grabbed Candace's wrist and dragged her off towards the runway. Meanwhile Candace just shrugged at Stacy as she was drug off.

After being drug around for a few minutes Candace finally arrived at wherever this man had taken her. Which, thankfully, was to Gaston Le Mode.

"Wait right here." The man instructed as he stuck his head into the curtains. "Pardon, Monsieur, I have great news!"

"A Jerry Lewis marathon on TV tonight!?" Candace heard a French man say from inside.

"I wish! But no. Better yet, I have found her!" The man said grabbing Candace's arm and thrusting her through the curtains to face Gaston.

"Hi." Candace said nervously wiggling her fingers at Gaston.

"Look at this!" The man said holding a tape measure up to Candace's neck.

"Mon Dieu! It is perfection!" Gaston said looking at the tape measure then Candace's neck. "You are my Cou De Crayon."

"Your Cou De Crayon? Cool!" Candace said clasping her hands together over her chest.

"Allez! Allez! Let's get you to makeup." Gaston said pushing Candace further into the backstage area.

After going through whatever it is supermodels go through, probably pounds and pounds of makeup and like, 30 minutes' worth of getting dressed, Candace returned to Gaston in one of his new dresses.

"We're almost ready, now, let me see." Gaston said as Candace approached him. "Oh! Absolutely beautiful!"

"Oh, why, thank you!" Candace said blushing at his compliment.

"Now, wait right here while I introduce you to the crowd." Gaston instructed as he walked towards the curtains before being stopped by a delivery man.

"Package for Gaston Le Mode." The delivery man said holding a tube.

"Is it a poster of Jerry Lewis!?" Gaston said excitedly running over to the delivery man.

"I wish!" The man said handing a clipboard to Gaston.

"Alright, alright by this better be important." Gaston said signing the clipboard before handing it to the delivery man and taking the tube. He unrolled a piece of paper and was pleased with what was on it. "Ooh! Gasp! This design! It's comfortable. Cool. And undetectable by radar. It absolutely screams summer!"

"This isn't new! I've seen this before!" Candace said taking the paper from Gaston.

"Do you know who designed it?" Gaston asked as the squeaking of wheels could be heard entering backstage.

"We did, sire. It's part of the Summer All the Time collection." Phineas said as he and Ferb wheeled two carts with a cloth over them in before pulling the cloth off to reveal their signature clothing.

"Oh, so _that's_ what you were going to do today." Candace said walking up to them.

"Candace? What are you doing here?" Phineas asked surprised to see his sister backstage at a supermodel runway. "You look great by the way."

"Aw, thanks!" Candace said accepting his compliment. "Anyway, I'm here because I'm Gaston's Cou De Crayon." Candace explained proudly.

"You do realize that that's French for 'Pencil Neck'?" Ferb said shattering Candace's hopes and dreams.

"Wha=" Candace started to speak but was interrupted by Gaston, completely ignoring Ferb's comment.

"Mademoiselle, Candace, there has been a change in plans. You will wear this on, s'il vous plait." Gaston said holding up Phineas' outfit.

"Hold it right there, buddy!" Candace said smacking Phineas' outfit out of his hand to grab his attention.

"Oui?" Gaston asked.

"I will not model for someone who only wants me for my body. Especially my neck." Candace said stomping out of the curtains and onto the runway. "I am _so_ writing about this on my blog!" Candace said turning to face the curtains, making her miss the fact that the runway had ended causing her to fall into the crowd "I'm okay!"

"Hey, where'd Candace go?" Stacy asked walking out of the dressing rooms of the backstage area carrying a bag with her. Phineas pointed towards the runway. "I think I'll take the back exit."

In a span of roughly 42 seconds Stacy bought the newest 'in' clothes and caught up with Candace.

"Candace, there you are!" Stacy said tapping her friend on the shoulder from behind.

"Stacy? You look just like Ferb!" Candace said pointing at Stacy's outfit.

"Wow, thanks. Hey, you left your cellphone and clothes in there." Stacy said handing Candace the bag she was carrying with her. "Listen, I heard there's a riot Uptown at this one store that got a fresh shipment. I gotta run before they sell out. Bye! Oh, and Candace? Friendly tip; That Gaston stuff is so 42 seconds ago."

As Candace started walking back to the runway she started noticing that people were no longer wearing Phineas and Ferb's clothes, but rather wearing lab coats. On her way, back she ran into her mother who suggested that they go meet up with the boys to do lunch. Shortly thereafter they arrived at the runway.

"Well, Phineas, I still like your style." Isabella said as Candace and Linda approached.

"Thanks." Phineas said before turning to face Linda and Candace. "Hi, Mom. Hi, Candace."

"Nice dress, Candace." Isabella said.

"Thanks, I'm gonna keep it since Gaston never asked me to give it back." Candace said pulling on the fringe of the dress.

"Who wants lunch? I think there's a pizza place right over there." Linda said pointing behind the children.

"Pizza sounds great." Phineas said before taking a step and almost stepping on Perry. "Oh, there you are, Perry."

 _ **I put a little Easter Egg in this chapter, good on you if you notice it.**_


	10. The Magnificent Few

_**I'd like to thank OnTheRun246 for all their kind words**_ **:)**

"Smile, boys!" Linda said taking a picture of Phineas and Ferb riding ponies in a tiny circle. "Aw, you two look so cute!"

"She means well." Phineas said looking at no one.

"I'll be back in a few hours. Have fun!" Linda said pulling away revealing Candace standing behind the car.

"What are we supposed to do here for a few hours?" Candace asked walking up to the fence and leaning forward on it.

"Don't fret non, school marm." Phineas said trying to speak in a western drawl. "I'm sure som'in will come up."

Candace hopped up onto the fence and took her phone out, dialing Stacy's number and immediately began talking into it.

"So, he was like totally checking me out when little Miss Booty Shorts walks in front of me." Candace paused giving Stacy a chance to respond. "Yeah, yeah! So, I was like 'Uh, hello?' and so she was like 'Oh no, you di-in't!' and I was like 'Oh yes, I di-id!'"

 _After gossiping for about 4 and 3/937ths of a minute Candace's conversation was interrupted by termites eating the fence she was sitting on._

"TERMITES!" Candace screamed hanging up the phone as she ran away from the giant horde of wood-thirsty termites. Running into a barn she slammed the door shut and turned around to see a herd of cows. "Holy cow!"

Screaming as the termites began eating the entire barn Candace ran away, followed by all the cows. She ran past Phineas, Ferb and Isabella and straight not even sparing them a glance. After 12 seconds, she pulled her phone back out and called Stacy, still running away from the cows.

"Oh, my gosh! Stacy, I'm, like, in a stampede! It's like-" Candace said before tripping and falling face first into a puddle of mud as the cows began jumping over her. "Uh, just a sec."

"Hey, Candace." Phineas said jumping over Candace while riding on a horse, followed by Ferb and Isabella also on horses.

"Hey, Phineas." Candace said as they rode off into town.

"Anyway, Stacy, I was, like, in a stampede and then I fell into mud!" Candace said sitting up in the puddle. "Yeah, I know, right?"

 _After a good 2 hours Phineas and Ferb returned to the ranch with all the cows._

"Well, this has been fun, but we ought to be getting the herb back into the coral. Where can we find a coral?" Phineas said as the cows all came to a stop in a clearing just before wood started falling out of the sky and sticking into the dirt, followed by a large piece of metal falling on top of the wood, creating a corral. "Well, that was easy."

"Curse you Perry the Platypus!" A man's voice shouted as Candace walked over to Phineas and Ferb.

"Well that's weird…" Candace said looking towards where the voice came from only to see no one.

"That was so awesome." Phineas said dropping off his horse followed by Isabella and Ferb.

"Woo-hoo!" Isabella said as Linda's car pulled up.

"Hey kids. Did you guys have fun?" Linda asked getting out of the car.

"Yee-haw!" Phineas cheered.

"Woo, doggie!" Isabella cheered.

"Good." Linda said as Candace opened the car door.

"Candace, sweetie, why are you covered in mud?" Linda asked turning around to face her muddy daughter.

"I fell in a puddle." Candace said flatly as she climbed into the car.

"How'd she fell in a puddle?" Linda asked turning to face the kids.

"Well, I reckon running from cattle ain't for city folk." Ferb answered.


	11. S'Winter

"Ugh…" Phineas moaned from next to Candace underneath the oak tree in the backyard. Candace looked over to her left and was surprised to see Phineas and Ferb literally standing on their heads.

"What's up with you two?" Candace asked as Lawrence walked out of the garage holding a box.

"It's too hot to think, we don't know what to do." Phineas complained crossing his arms over his chest, still sitting on his head.

"Why don't you guys go sit in the air conditioning?" Candace asked standing up. "For that matter, why don't I? I'm burning up out here!"

As Candace entered the house she heard Lawrence say something about snow cones. Kicking her shoes off at her door Candace entered her bedroom and immediately called Stacy. After complaining about cheerleaders for several minutes Candace's room was suddenly covered in darkness.

"Hey! Who turned out the sun?" Candace asked walking over to her window covered in snow. "Hmm. Probably _not_ a good idea to open this." Walking downstairs Candace entered the backyard to find a literal mountain of snow.

"You like it?" Phineas asked walking next to her. "We call it S'Winter."

As Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and a few fireside girls broke out into song Candace walked back into the house and put on her winter boots. After exiting the house, she saw Jeremy getting ready to board a ski lift.

"Hi, Jeremy." Candace said nervously as she walked up to him.

"Hey, Candace. You want to go skiing?" Jeremy asked gesturing to the ski lift.

"Oh, I'd love to, but, uh, but I am so afraid of heights." Candace said glumly as someone walked up to them wearing heavy winter gear.

"Bummer. Well, see you later, then." Jeremy said turning towards the ski lift and seeing someone he knows boarding. "Hey, D. D., wait up!"

"D. D.?" Candace gasped as she pulled out her phone and called Stacy immediately. "Stacy? Who's D. D.? A Swedish exchange student?! I gotta go." Just as Candace was about to hang up Stacy shouted for her to stop. "Oh, D. D. is a guy… I knew that…"

Candace walked back inside and plopped down on the couch. After flipping through random channels for countless minutes she heard her parents' car pull up. Walking out front she saw her parents carrying a giant cuckoo clock.

"Candace why are you wearing your winter boots? You know what, never mind that. Can you get the door?" Lawrence said strain in his voice as he and Linda carried the clock towards the house.

"Sure thing!" Candace said holding the door open as they walked through.

"Well honey, what do you think?" Lawrence asked Linda as they placed the clock on the wall.

"It's nice." Linda said as Phineas and Ferb entered the house carrying snow cones.

"Hello boys, how'd you enjoy the snow cone machine?" Lawrence asked

"It was awesome, we made S'Winter!" Phineas said as he approached them. "Anybody want a snow cone?"

"I'll take a snow cone, it's hot out there today." Linda said accepting the crushed ice covered in blue carbs.

"Me too." Lawrence said also accepting the icy treat.

"Candace?" Phineas said temptingly waggling the ice cone. Candace was reaching towards the cone when the cuckoo clock suddenly went off and knocked the snow cone out of Phineas' hand before smashing through the window.

"Well… that was unexpected." Ferb said licking his snow cone.


	12. Jerk De Soleil

Candace was lying in her bed, playing with herself… a picture of herself that is! She had a picture of Jeremy, too. She made fake conversations with them and then made them kiss. Multiple times. Her 'date' was ruined by sounds of power tools coming from the backyard.

"What's going on?" Candace asked sticking her head out of her window. Phineas, who was doing something over near a giant tent, didn't hear her over all the noise. "PHINEAS!" Candace screamed.

"OH, HEY CANDACE!" Phineas screamed back with a wave.

"WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE!?" Candace screamed right as all the noise stopped, making her voice carry for blocks. "Heh, heh… whoops."

"Since the lead of the circus act we were going to see got sick, we're making our own cirque!" Phineas said excitedly throwing his arms up in the air, drawing attention to his hilariously silly costume.

"Nice outfit." Candace said snorting.

"Thanks, you too!" Phineas said walking into the tent as Candace looked down at her pajamas.

"What's wrong with these?" Candace said before changing into her regular clothes. Walking out of the garage she saw Phineas and Buford entering the tent. As she neared the entrance herself Jeremy walked up behind her.

"Heyah, Candace." Jeremy said approaching with a basket full of… something.

"Oh! Hi, Jeremy." Candace said happily.

"My mom told me to bring over these homegrown veggies for your family. You know; she and your mom are doing that jazz thing today." Jeremy said handing Candace the basket.

"Thanks!" Candace said giggling.

"So, circus, huh? Cool. Cool. I guess it's more of a cirque than a 'circus'." Jeremy said with a slight laugh as Candace zoned out into Jeremyland. "Don't you think?"

"What?" Candace asked snapping out of it.

"Don't you think we should sit together to watch the show? If-if you want to." Jeremy asked again.

"Yeah, yeah." Candace said excitedly. "Let me just bring these inside." Candace said pointing to the basket as she walked back into the garage and into the house. Setting down the basket she noticed a little tag hanging on the side of it. "Linda, here's some veggies for you guys. P.S. Thanks for telling me about Candace's parsnip allergy, that could have been bad." Candace read the tag out loud, "Well, that was close!"

Exiting the house Candace saw Mindy talking to Jeremy, as she got closer she managed to hear the end of their conversation.

"Thanks, but I promised Candace. Oh, and here she comes now." Jeremy said turning to face Candace.

"Hi, Mindy." Candace said.

"Candace." Mindy said coldly before walking into the tent alone.

"Shall we?" Jeremy said holding the tent flap open for Candace.

"Oh." Candace said giggling and lightly blushing as she walked into the tent.

"How do your brothers build these things so quickly?" Jeremy asked as he and Candace took their seats.

"I tend not to question it." Candace answered as the lights went out and Phineas began his opening act. After a lot of admittedly lackluster performances from Phineas and Ferb's friends the finale began.

"How do they do this?" Jeremy asked, his voice higher than usual, as the human pyramid got higher and higher.

"I have no idea, I mean I've seen Phineas and Ferb at least 3 times on this pyramid." Candace said, her voice higher as well, looking down the pyramid to see that the previous positions Phineas and Ferb were in were replaced with random kids

"Also, where did that huge tube come from?" Jeremy asked pointing to the top of the tent where a tube had ripped through. As if on cue the entire tent flew off the ground and away with the tube.

"Well, that's certainly the weirdest way I've seen something of theirs disappear." Candace said, her voice returning to normal.

"Also, what was up with our voices?" Jeremy asked, his voice now normal as well, as they exited the seats.

"See, things like this are why I don't think about how Phineas and Ferb build stuff." Candace said as the giant seats were pulled into the ground.

"Well that's easy, Candace." Phineas said walking up to them. "We just order all the parts we need, get our permits, and then build it."

"Well, duh, but how do you afford it?" Candace asked as they sat underneath the tree.

"Well, remember when we were hired to direct your movie?" Phineas asked as Jeremy excused himself to take a call from his mom.

"How could I forget? People still make fun of me for it when I'm walking down the street."

"Right, well he paid us A LOT of money." Phineas said casting great emphasis on the words a lot.

"That's because I did my part for free." Candace said as the fence door to the backyard creaked open.

"Hi, guys." Linda said walking into the backyard with Lawrence.

"Mom, Dad, you missed our cirque." Phineas said standing up from the tree and approaching them.

"Well, it sure looks like you had fun." Linda said gesturing to Phineas' ridiculous outfit as Perry walked up and chattered.

"Who wants to hear my CD?" Linda opening the door to the house.

"Ooh, I do." Phineas said excitedly.

"All right, come on!" Lawrence said leading him inside.

"Hey, Candace. My mom sent me some of their CD. You want to listen to it with me?" Jeremy asked walking up to her.

"Yes!" Candace said excitedly. "Uh, I mean, sure."

 _ **So OnTheRun246 mentioned Candace actively involving herself in the boys' inventions, which is funny because I had plans for that to happen in the next episode/chapter.**_

 _ **Barrymanihigh… that's a good idea, I'll have to work with that.**_

 _ **So… that first sentence of this chapter… if someone could let me know if I went a little too far that'd be great.**_


	13. Are You My Mummy?

Candace was sitting in a movie theatre with her brothers and father, not really paying attention to the movie. She was starting to drift to sleep when someone's phone went off, it was her fathers. He said something about putting it on vibrate before putting it back into his pocket. Candace looked back up at the screen to see a mummy beating a man with a rubber chicken. Stifling a laugh Candace heard Phineas say something and decided to listen.

"..hard to get into a pyramid?" Phineas asked.

"Yes, indeed. Often you had to negotiate many booby traps that were set centuries before." Lawrence explained as the mummy in the movie set off some kind of explosive trap.

"Awesome booby trap!" Phineas said before turning to look at Ferb. "Ferb, we should get our own mummy." Candace watched Phineas and Ferb zone out for about a minute before coming back to reality. "That would be awesome! Dad, can we-" Phineas said turning to Lawrence, who had fallen asleep. "Come on, Ferb. We'll be back before he wakes up."

"Where are they going?" Candace asked herself before literally climbing over her father and following them.

"Hey, Ferb. Where's Perry?" Phineas asked as they entered the lobby.

Ferb simply shrugged in response as they approached an employee.

"Mr. Employee, sir, where's the mummy exhibit." Phineas asked the employee.

The employee pushed a button and spoke into an intercom. "Manager assistance requested."

"Yes." The manager said walking up to them.

"These boys want to know where the mummy exhibit is."

"It's in storage. In the basement." The manager said before walking away.

"Guess who's going to the basement!" Phineas said to Ferb before they turned tail and ran towards the basement, running into Candace who was standing right behind them.

"Oof!" Candace exclaimed as she fell to the ground.

"Oops, sorry Candace. Didn't see you there." Phineas said extending a hand to help her up.

"Who just starts running without looking where they're going?" Candace asked accepting his has as she stood up.

"Sorry, we're just really excited to go see a mummy." Phineas explained as they continued walking.

"You guys do realize that mummies aren't like they are in the movies, right?" Candace asked following behind them.

"How do you mean?"

"Well for starters, they don't come to life. They're just… dead."

"Well, we won't know if we don't try." Phineas said as they arrived at the stairwell to the basement.

"Alright, but another thing that I should tell you about." Candace said as Phineas handed her a pith helmet.

"Mhm?" Phineas asked as they descended the staircase.

"Booby traps don't exist either." Candace said. "Well, they do but not the ones you guys are expecting. Wait, I mean they don't exist at all, forget I said anything about boobies!" Candace said quickly trying to backtrack. "As a matter of fact, just forget this entire conversation ever happened."

"Alright." Phineas said calmly. "Let's start over then. Mhm?"

"Pyramids don't have booby traps." Candace finally explained as they reached a landing between the top and the basement.

"Well, how do you know what pyramids have?" Phineas asked putting his hands on his hips and turning around to face her. "Have you ever been inside one?"

"Well… no."

"Then we'll just have to find out for ourselves." Phineas said opening the door on the landing.

"Phineas…" Candace said following him into the room, which ended up have nothing but a bunch of toilet paper and paper towels in it. "This isn't even a real pyramid." Candace said, and to illustrate her point she kicked a roll of paper towels over.

"Come on, Candace." Phineas said exiting the room. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Far away from my common sense, though I can't say the same for you." Candace said as the three of them continued down the staircase.

"You're right, my common sense isn't near my sense of adventure. But do you know what is?"

"What?" Candace asked shrugging her shoulders.

"My imagination." Phineas said creating a rainbow over his head with his hands.

"Wha- what? How did you-" Candace asked flabbergasted before Phineas shushed her.

"Shh, do you hear that?" Phineas asked as the sound of thumping got closer. "Run!"

The three of them quickly ran down the stairs and into the nearest room, which was yet another closet. This one was full of cleaning supplies and all kinds of chemicals. As Phineas and Ferb high-fived over their first booby trap Candace looked out the window of the door and saw a mop and bucket crash to the floor.

"See, Candace?" Phineas asked poking her. "Booby traps are in pyramids."

"Yeah…" Candace said looking back at the bucket and mop. "You know, maybe I was wrong."

"That's the spirit Candace! I think that makes up for almost killing us." Phineas said opening the door.

"Wait, what?!" Candace asked following him out the door.

"Well you _did_ spring that booby trap on us." Phineas explained leading the group further down the hallway.

"How did I do that?" Candace asked putting her hands on her hips.

"Well you kicked over that paper towel roll. That's probably what triggered the trap."

"Phineas, you pay way too much attention to detail."

"If I didn't pay attention to detail then I wouldn't know that we're here." Phineas said stopping at a door with 'STORAGE' written on it.

"Touché." Candace said opening the door and following the boys into it.

"Hey, there's the mummy!" Phineas said running over to an open sarcophagus. "Owah Tagu Siam!" Candace snorted after Phineas said this. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, carry on." Candace said waving her hand.

Phineas picked up the mummy and slammed its head into the ground, it popped and air hissed out of it before quickly going flat. "There's nothing down here but fakey promotional lobby junk."

"Sorry, Phineas, but like I said, mummies don't actually come back to life." Candace said leading the boys out of the room stepping onto a wet floor. "What the…" Candace said looking down the hallway and seeing water flowing out of a tile in the floor.

"This is what happens when you're a mummy denier, Candace." Phineas said as the three of them pushed the sarcophagus over and climbed inside of it.

Water quickly filled the room and pushed them out into the hallway where they had a nice time riding the waves throughout the basement. Well at least Phineas and Ferb had a nice time, Candace didn't seem to enjoy it as much as them. Oh, and Perry showed up somehow too. Eventually the water shot them out of the head of the fake sphinx next to the movie theatre and they crashed on the street, conveniently right next to their car.

"It's too bad we never found our mummy." Phineas said as they all stood up, covered in water.

"Well that's because mummy has supper waiting for us at home." Lawrence said walking up to them. "Now, where did you all go? And why are you all wet?"

"We went into the basement." Phineas explained. "We might want to inform the employees of the flood."

"Eh, I'm sure they'll figure it out." Candace said entering the car.

 _ **Well here is the first episode where I put Candace directly into the boys' big idea for the day. I think it went pretty well. Also my story is just under 1000 views, thanks a lot people!**_

 _ **Barrymanihigh... I have something special planned for Suzy's introduction…**_


	14. I Scream, You Scream

_**I'm skipping over 'Ready for the Bettys' because I can't think of a way it'd be any different, aside from maybe 3-4 lines of dialogue. If at some point I think of something, or someone gives me a good enough idea I'll come back to it.**_

Candace was sitting on a chair at home chatting away with Stacy over the phone. Phineas was outside making a lot of noise, and I mean A LOT. Enough to be heard inside the house with all the windows and doors closed.

"Stace, I'm going to have to call you back." Candace said leaving the comfort of her chair to confront her little brother.

"Phineas, what's with all the noise out here?" Candace asked as a delivery man walked away.

"Sorry, sis, I can't tell you. It's a surprise." Phineas said grabbing a big stack of boxes. "Can you give me a hand unpacking this stuff, Candace?"

"A surprise? Who's it for?" Candace asked grabbing a stack of boxes and following Phineas to a corner of the yard.

"Isabella." Phineas said putting down his stack of boxes. "Set those down right there."

"Isabella? She's your little girlfriend, right?" Candace asked putting the boxes down where Phineas instructed.

"Well she's a girl and she's my friend… so I guess you're technically right." Phineas said as Ferb entered the backyard. "Hey, Ferb. You got the blueprints?"

Ferb held up a roll of blueprints.

"Excellent! Isabella's gonna love it!"

"Wait, so if it's a surprise for Isabella, why can't I know what it is?" Candace asked as Phineas and Ferb began unpacking boxes.

"It's a giant sundae machine, so we can make her a giant sundae!" Phineas exclaimed. "You can start unpacking whenever you feel up to it."

"Oh, right!" Candace said before starting to open the boxes.

After unpacking all the boxes, Phineas and Ferb began to construct the giant machine while Candace watched in awe. After around 20 minutes of building they finished the machine, though there was a leftover part. They place a giant glass cup underneath the nozzle on the side of the machine and got ready.

"Get ready for a giant sundae!" Phineas said excitedly pushing the button the machine causing it to fly off into the stratosphere. "Well, this can't be right. Lemme see those blueprints. Oh, wait a minute. Those are the plans for a Space Laser-inator, apparently. I was wondering what that thing was for. That must be the laser." Phineas said causing all three of them to look at the spare part. "It's a good thing we didn't attach it, huh?"

"Hi, kids. How are you doing?" Linda asked startling them as they didn't hear her car pull up.

"We were just about to make a nice handmade ice cream sundae for Isabella." Phineas explained.

"Oh, that is so sweet! Come on in the kitchen. I'll help you with it." Linda said beckoning them to the kitchen.

They then proceeded to make a simple ice cream sundae for Isabella. It was nice. They then drove to the hospital and visited Isabella, Candace came along to judge Phineas and Isabella's relationship for herself.

"Wow, guys, this is amazing! I was afraid you were gonna go overboard and build some giant sundae contraption or something!" Isabella said upon being presented the delectable treat.

"Actually, we were gonna do that, but we accidentally built a space laser instead." Phineas explained before turning to Ferb. "Ferb, you're usually so focused. How did you get those plans confused?"

Ferb stared off into space for about 20 seconds before Phineas brought him back.

"Hey, Ferb. Snap out of it. What happened back there?"

"I was weak." Ferb simply said after a short pause.

"Hey, Phineas, you want some?" Isabella asked causing Candace to start paying attention.

"Sure!" Phineas said hopping up onto Isabella's bed, careful not to sit on her legs.

After watching Phineas and Isabella eat the sundae for a few moments Candace whispers to Ferb. "I'm totally gonna get them together by the end of this summer."

 _ **Well I've put my master plan into action, muahahahahaha! Nah, just kidding. This little side plot I'm teasing at the end of this chapter won't take control of this story. It's just something I think would be a funny and cute thing to work with as the story goes through the seasons.**_


	15. Get That Bigfoot Outta My Face!

_**Much like 'Ready for the Bettys', 'Toy to the World' wouldn't be any different save for a couple of lines, so I'm skipping over that episode as well for now.**_

 _ **Also, sorry for not updating in, like, 5 days. I know it says not to expect regular updates but I'm trying to push out a chapter every 2 days or so. No real excuse on my part, I was just being plain lazy.**_

Candace was riding in a minibus van… thing, with Phineas, Ferb and all their friends. They're surprisingly popular, though on second thought it's not surprising considering what they do. Anyway, there's a lot of kids in this thing, and Candace isn't having any of it.

"How about you, sis? What's the first thing you're gonna do at camp?" Phineas asked breaking Candace out of her thoughts of being anywhere else.

"First of all, it's not camp. It's just Grandma and Grandpa's cabin, and it's boring." Candace answered.

"But we made T-shirts." Phineas said holding up a t-shirt for Candace to see.

"When did you- never mind. Secondly, I don't like the outdoors, okay? I don't like bugs." Candace ignoring Phineas' shirt.

"Yeah, I know. You destroyed our movie set because of a bug." Phineas said with a blank face.

"Actually, spiders are not bugs. They are arachnids." Baljeet chimed in from next to Phineas, behind Buford.

"How did you know it was a spider?" Candace asked.

"I saw the video, obviously." Baljeet said rolling his eyes.

"Hm…" Phineas said looking at the floor around his seat.

"What?" Candace asked looking at the floor around his seat too.

"I seem to have misplaced my ant farm." Phineas said with a mischievous grin.

"Mooom!" Candace said loudly squirming in her seat.

"Yes, Candace?" Linda asked without looking up from her magazine.

"Do I have to go to Grandma and Grandpa's?"

"Oh, I think it's rather sweet the Grandma Betty Jo and Grandpa Clyde invite you kids and all your friends every year." Lawrence said, without taking his eyes off the road like a good, safe driver would.

"But I'm not a kid. I'm a young adult. Can I do something with you guys?" Candace said accentuating the young adult part.

"Of course, you can, Dear. You can join us at the antiques symposium. This year's keynote address will debate Shellac vs. Lacquer." Linda said holding up the magazine for Candace to see.

"Woo-hoo!" Lawrence said still not taking his eyes off the road. Man, what a responsible driver.

"Candace?" Phineas asked as she slumped back into her seat.

"What?" Candace asked annoyed barely making an effort to look over at him.

"In an effort to increase your enjoyment of this trip, I'd like you to be a camp counselor." Phineas said extending a shirt to his sister.

Candace tried to ignore Phineas but he put on his saddest eyes and a big frown. After several seconds, she finally cracked. "Ugh, fine. Give me that." Candace finally said snatching the shirt out of Phineas' hand making him smile.

"Perfect!" Phineas said as the van-bus came to a stop. "Trust me, sis, this'll be more fun than you think."

"Hey!" Grandpa Clyde said with a laugh as they began exiting the van-bus.

"Hiya, Grandpa!" Phineas said putting his arms out for a hug.

"Well, hello Phineas! You haven't changed a bit!" Clyde said picking up Perry.

"Grandpa, that's not me! That's Perry!" Phineas said laughing lightly. Candace simply rolled her eyes from behind Phineas.

"Huh? Huh?" Clyde asked looking between Perry and Phineas. "Oh right. Looks like I need to get my glasses fixed!" Clyde said bouncing his glasses up and down on his face. Candace walked away as Clyde began mentally assaulting Ferb with his false handshakes.

"Why, hello Candace." Grandma Betty Jo greeted happily.

"Oh, hi Grandma." Candace greeted back not quite as happily. "How can you stand living out here in the middle of nowhere?"

"Oh, come on, honey. It's not so bad. You'll see." Betty Jo said as Clyde began ringing a dinner bell.

"Alright, nature lovers! Time for vittles!" Clyde exclaimed as everyone began following him. Candace noticed Isabella and Phineas walking together and decided to trail behind.

"'Vittles' is 'Grandpa-ese' for 'food'." Phineas said laughing before looking around his feet as he walked. "Hey, where's Perry?"

"I'unno, must have run off." Isabella said shrugging. "He always comes back though, right?"

"Yeah, he's probably just chasing a butterfly or something." Phineas said as they arrived at a bunch of picnic tables.

After a lovely lunch of food, I don't care to describe the food because it serves no purpose in the overarching narrative, Phineas, Ferb and friends went around doing stuff kids do at camp. Candace observed Isabella and the Fireside Girls pitching tents for a bit before Isabella went over to Phineas and had him sign off on their achievement patch for pitching said tents.

"Gather around, kids." Clyde called out bringing all the children to him. "There's an old legend, well, not that I believe it, about the Sasquatch. A race of giant, hairy creatures living up here in these very woods."

"Doesn't the Sasquatch live in every wooded area in America according to 'legend'?" Candace asked crossing her arms over her chest as several kids gasped at the scary revelation.

"That very well may be true… but it shouldn't lessen how worried you are about him. If my memory serves, I think there was a song written about him." Clyde said pulling a banjo seemingly out of his back pocket.

"Really?" Isabella asked. "Do you remember any of it?"

Clyde strummed a few strings on his banjo in response.

"He remembers." Phineas said before Clyde broke out into all out song.

After a nice musical number about how Bigfoot was going to stomp, chomp and eat all the children they all called for an encore… for some reason. Probably because it's a catchy song, despite its horrifying lyrics. After the first rendition, Candace was not amused. After the second rendition, she was completely bored.

"Ugh… so bored." Candace said out loud, feeling the need to repeat what I just said.

"Don't worry, honey, we're about to make stick figures. Out of real sticks!" Betty Jo said excitedly.

"Seriously, Grandma?" Candace said flatly.

"All right, all right, all right. We'll think of something else." Betty Jo said leading Candace off as the kids followed.

After a very fun, and very long activity all the kids and Betty Jo and Clyde gathered around a campfire as night drew in.

"Wow, that sure was a fun activity!" Phineas declared excitedly.

"Very long, too." Ferb chimed in.

"Yes, that was a very fun and very long activity." Phineas said summing up the two sentences.

"Here you go, Phineas." Isabella said handing him a roasted marshmallow.

"Ahh. Just how I like 'em." Phineas said eating the marshmallow in one bite. "You just earned your marshmallow patch my friend." He said pulling a clipboard out of nowhere and scribbling something down. Isabella sighed in contentment as Phineas spoke to his Grandpa. "So, Grandpa, what should we do now? Tell scary stories? I got one!"

"Oh, Phineas, you always start. Why not give another kid a chance?" Clyde said shooting down Phineas like a paper airplane over area 51.

"Yes. How about you, Candace?" Betty Jo asked as all the kids faced her.

"All right, I think I got something for you little squirts." Candace said sitting up on her log which she shared with 2 kids she didn't know. "This is a true story that happened in Cincinnati, Ohio a long time ago… the early to mid-1900s to be exact."

"That's not a long time ago!" Clyde protested, slightly offended.

"You want me to continue or not?" Candace asked.

"Go on." Clyde said after a few seconds.

Candace then proceeded to tell the kids the tale of the Dent Schoolhouse. After she finished her story all the kids were scared shi- I mean, scared out of their pants. Thankfully not literally, as that would probably cause all sorts of legal problems.

"Wow, Candace… I think that story was a little… intense for these kids." Betty Jo said after a long silence.

"Right, and singing a song about a monster that wants to assault, kill and eat them isn't intense." Candace said flatly to her Grandmother.

"Well, you got me there." Clyde said before standing up. "Alright kids, time for bed!"

"Aw, but I didn't get to tell my story." Phineas complained, not having been phased by Candace's story as he had read about it a few months ago.

"I think Candace's story was enough fright for tonight. Don't you, ma?" Clyde asked turning to his wife.

"Yes, sorry kids but I think it's time to settle down for tonight." Betty Jo said standing up as well, causing a few sounds of disappointment from the kids.

"Come on, we'll get over to the tents and figure out the sleeping arrangement." Clyde said leading the kids and his wife to the tents.

After a short walk, they arrived.

"Alright, who wants to share a tent. But first, no boys with girls." Clyde said, laying down the ground rules.

"Aw, nuts." Isabella said quietly, only Candace heard her as she was standing next to her.

"I'll bunk with Isabella." Candace said surprising Isabella and Clyde.

"Uh, alright. I thought you'd want to be alone. This makes things a lot easier though." Clyde said as other kids began speaking up about their tent partners.

"Candace, why do you want to share a tent with me?" Isabella asked.

"I got something I need to talk to you about." Candace said as some kid got really loud to be heard over all the other kids.

"I WANT TO BE TENT PARTNERS WITH PHINEAS AND FERB!" Some nerd with a camera and a large book shouted causing all the kids to turn and look at him.

"Sorry, kiddo, the tents can only hold 2 each." Clyde said making the kid sad.

"Aww…" He said trudging away.

"Alright then." Clyde said going back to the other kids' requests.

 _ **What could Candace possibly want to talk to Isabella about? Who was that mysterious nerd who really wanted to sleep next to Phineas and Ferb? Why am I asking redundant questions you (probably) don't know the answer to? Find out in 'The Ballad of Badbeard'!**_

 _ **Right so, I tried sticking a lot of jokes and funny phrases in this chapter. Hope you guys like it.**_


	16. Mom's Birthday

_**BarryManiHigh was correct in guessing that I'll be skipping 'It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World' because it would be the same both ways. Save for a few lines, as per usual, of course. You might expect me to skip over 'Journey to the Center of Candace', but I won't. I got something special for that.**_

Candace was writing her mother a song for her birthday in the early in the hours of the morning. She must have been mildly loud because at some point she woke her brothers up from their slumber.

"Morning, Candace. What're you doing?" Phineas asked entering her room followed by Ferb.

"Oh, morning, Phineas… and Ferb." Candace said turning away from her _Manhasset Symphony Stand_ **TM**. "I'm just writing a song for Mom's birthday."

"It's Mom's birthday!" Phineas exclaimed with a gasp. "How can we forget Mom's birthday? Where have all the days gone?"

Phineas and Ferb stared off into space for a few seconds before coming back to the real world.

"I don't remember the dinosaur." Ferb said.

"Well, I know what we're doing on our trip to the museum!" Phineas said excitedly before turning his attention back to Candace. "I've got an idea for Mom's birthday, you want to help?"

"You know I'd love to Phineas, but I've got to finish writing this song for Mom." Candace said gesturing to her _Manhasset Symphony Stand_ **TM**.

"Well, alright, but don't try and make her breakfast." Phineas said as they exited her room. "Also, how do you feel about time travel?"

"Time travel? I mean, some of those movies are cool. I guess." Candace said putting a finger to her chin.

"Excellent!" Phineas said excitedly before closing her door behind him.

"That was weird." Candace said before returning to her music. Which was sitting on her _Manhasset Symphony Stand_ **TM**.

Candace finished writing her song relatively quickly, at least it was quicker than she anticipated. Walking downstairs she saw Phineas, Ferb and some of their friends walking around doing… stuff. All sorts of it, there was even a breakfast bar.

"Thank you, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro! We appreciate you helping us out. Ooh. Another call." Phineas said into an earpiece before touching a button on the side of it. "Buford, my man. Uh, hold on." Phineas turned to Ferb. "Needs ruffage."

Ferb handed Phineas a couple of dollars.

"Thanks, Buford. Glad we can count on you." Phineas said as he pushed the dollars through the piggy bank he was holding in his free hand, knocking out the remaining coins.

"Wow, this is… amazing." Candace said walking into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, Candace. Wanna man the breakfast bar for Mom's birthday?" Phineas asked as he turned around to face her.

"I would-" Candace started to say before being interrupted.

"How about helping us make Mom's birthday card?"

"Well that sounds-"

"We also have to set up the big screen out back."

"I don't know if I-"

"So, Candace. What'll it be?"

"Let's take a look at that birthday card." Candace said, happy to finally finish a sentence.

After building a lovely card, that was very big, they presented it to their mother. She enjoyed it, I mean, who wouldn't? As she was eating breakfast they transformed the backyard into a large viewing area for a ginormous video screen. After leading Linda out to view the video biography of her Phineas made, Phineas suggested Candace to go get her guitar to sing Linda her song.

"Hey, sis, you should go get your guitar so you can sing Mom her birthday song." Phineas whispered to Candace.

"Good idea." Candace whispered back before going to her room.

Much to Candace's chagrin, all her musical instruments had disappeared… somehow. Candace dejectedly trudged her way back to the backyard and plopped down next to Phineas on their blanket on the lawn.

"What's wrong?" Phineas whispered when she landed next to him.

"They're… gone." Candace whispered back.

"What's gone?"

"All of them."

"All of what?"

"All of my instruments, all 107 of them." Candace wailed quietly slamming her face into her hands.

"Don't worry, Candace." Phineas said putting a hand on her shoulder to get her to look at him. "Ferb and I set up video cameras in every room of the house, including yours. We have video of you singing the song after you finished writing it!"

"That's unfathomably creepy, Phineas." Candace said narrowing her eyes at him. "But I'm too happy to care!"

After the final part of their mother's video biography Phineas introduced Candace to the stage and she sang her song. It was beautiful and it made Linda cry tears of joy.

"What a beautiful song, honey! Oh, I only wish Dad could have heard it." Linda said wiping a tear from her eye.

"Well, I-" Candace said before looking at Phineas and Ferb and pulling them in. "I mean, we, wanted you to have a happy birthday."

"Oh, I almost forgot. We set up a satellite up-link with Dad." Phineas said breaking the embrace and leading Linda over to a computer in the corner of the yard.

"Oh, hey, Perry. Where have you been? You missed all the fun." Candace said kneeling down and petting their pet platypus.


	17. Journey to the Center of Candace

_**Hope you enjoy this extremely special chapter, I put more effort into this than all the other chapters combined. It took me years of writing and rewriting to get this chapter perfect.**_

Candace entered the garage after several minutes of hammering, drilling, welding and other various mechanical noises. The garage was completely barren, save for the usual items and a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it. Making a 'blech' sound with her mouth as she walked around it because she was, after all, allergic to dairy.

She then went on to have a fun date with Jeremy, ending at his uncle's restaurant. Sadly Candace couldn't eat the sandwich Jeremy had named after her since it was, in fact, grilled cheese and she sadly, was allergic to dairy.


	18. It's About Time!

"Hey, you know, kids, these fossils are of creatures that lived her in Danville millions of years ago." Lawrence said to his kids, 2 of which were interested and 1 who wasn't. Guess who was the not interested one.

"Lucky these things aren't here today." Linda said looking closer at one of the fossils.

"No, lucky would be if we weren't still here today." Candace said. Bet you didn't guess Candace was the bored one.

"Oh, look. This T-Rex footprint was found not 30 yards from this very spot." Lawrence said walking up to a giant T-Rex footprint with writing inside it, and a weird skid mark on the right side. Though he didn't seem to notice either of these 2 things. Candace walked away as he started talking about some dog skeleton, or something.

"Hm." Candace said stopping in front of a piece of hardened mud with 'C + J' written inside a heart. Directly next to it was another piece of mud with a heart, but this one had 'P + I' inside of it.

"Candace, come on. We're going to look at fossils from the Jurassic era." Linda said grabbing Candace by the arm and pulling her to another part of the museum. After several minutes of following her mom around the museum she got fed up and walked away.

"Why do I have to endure this suffering while Phineas and Ferb are off who knows where doing who knows-" Candace said before literally walking into Phineas who was kneeling on the ground in front of an exhibit. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hello." Phineas said upon being walked into. "We're fixing a time machine."

"So that's why you asked me what I thought about time travel isn't it?" Candace asked.

"Yep." Phineas said. "Hey, sis, do me a favor and pick up that purple thing." Phineas said pointing to a purple lightbulb next to the machine.

"This?" Candace asked picking up the lightbulb. "What is this for?"

In response to this question Phineas put two wires together causing a bright purple flash to envelope and then leave Candace.

"So that's why you asked me what I thought about time travel isn't it?" Candace asked.

"Cool." Phineas said ignoring his sisters question.

Candace opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Isabella.

"Hey guys. Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked walking up to them wearing some kind of girl scout uniform, behind her were several other girls wearing uniforms of the same type.

"We're fixing this time machine." Phineas answered as Ferb began welding something.

"Isn't that kinda impossible?" Isabella asked.

"That's a possibility." Phineas said with a shrug.

"Well, good luck. My troop and I are going to the local fossils exhibit. Catch up with you later!" Isabella said as she started to walk away.

"Bye." Phineas said with a wave as they exited the area.

"Well, you guys stay safe. Don't go anywhere in time I wouldn't go." Candace said walking away.

"Mhm." Phineas said not really listening to her as he stuffed his face in the blueprints.

Candace absentmindedly walked around the museum paying little attention to the exhibits as she went through. Eventually she heard a cash register ding and turned her attention towards a Mr. Slushy Dog. Jeremy was there!

"Hi, Jeremy." Candace said walking up to the stand.

"Oh, hey, Candace." Jeremy greeted her with a smile.

"They have a slushy dog here?" Candace asked looking at the sign above the stand.

"Yeah, it's new. I'm so bored. Feels like by the time my shift is over, I'll be a part of the fossil exhibit." Jeremy said with a light chuckle. Candace on the other hand thought this was hilarious.

"Part of the fossil exhibit!" Candace said through her laughter. "That's a good one!"

"Candace?" Isabella asked walking up to the teen followed by her troop.

"Not now, girly." Candace whispered to her as Jeremy turned around.

"Candace it's importahfmfff-"

"Not. Now." Candace said pushing a finger onto Isabella's lips.

"Bfh Cafdsh ish" Isabella said before pulling Candace's finger off her mouth. "But Candace it's important."

"Ugh, fine. What is it?" Candace asked putting her hands on her hips as she turned to face Isabella.

"Phineas and Ferb are trapped in 65 million BC." Isabella explained as Jeremy turned around.

"Oh, hello, girls." Jeremy greeted the gaggle of children. "Can I get you anything?"

"We were just leaving, sorry." Isabella answered. "Isn't that right Candace."

"I mean if you're telling the truth, yeah." Candace said. "If they're trapped in 65 million BC how do you know?"

"Follow me." Isabella said grabbing Candace's hand and pulling away from Jeremy.

"Uh, bye, I guess." Jeremy said as Candace was drug away.

"You'd better be telling the truth." Candace complained as they arrived at their destination. "A big footprint? Isabella I have half a mind to-"

"Look closer." Isabella said interrupting Candace's threat.

Candace mumbled the words written in the footprint under her breath as she read them. After finishing she was silent for a few seconds before she began panicking.

"My little brothers are trapped in dinosaur land!" Candace yelled running in circles.

"Candace." Isabella said as her circular sprint neared her.

Candace simply screamed in response.

"Candace!"

Candace screamed again.

"CANDACE!" Isabella screamed grabbing the drama queen, stopping her from running.

"Sheesh, you don't have to yell…" Candace said rubbing her arms after Isabella let go of her.

"Look, you don't need to freak out. I just figured I should tell you about this." Isabella said in an attempt to calm her down.

"Don't need to freak out?! My brothers are going to be eaten by dinosaurs!" Candace said her voice getting louder with each word.

"Candace, we've got it under control. They left the blueprints behind so we can just recreate the machine and go get them." Isabella said pulling out the blueprints from her… back pocket… I guess.

"Alright… alright…" Candace said finally calming down.

"Good. Now while we build the machine, try not to give yourself a heart attack." Isabella instructed as the girls began constructing the machine.

Candace sat and watched them build for about half an hour before they finally finished the time machine. Well technically the blueprints were for a Tie Machine but luckily a typo doesn't change the outcome of a project.

"Are you ready to go where no man- no, no, wait. No _woman_ has gone before?" Isabella asked the group of girls as they clambered inside.

"Actually, Isabella. I'm having second thoughts about this." Candace said standing up in the machine to leave.

"That's just the mortal terror talking, Milly, pull the lever!" Isabella commanded to which Milly obliged, plunging them 65 million years into the past.

"Apparently not." Phineas said as the time machine appeared in front of them.

"Hi, guys. Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked dragging out the 'doin' part.

"Just waiting for you." Phineas said before turning to Ferb. "Hop in, Ferb."

Isabella pushed the 'return' button but nothing happened. She pressed it again, and again nothing happened. She began rapidly pushing the button, but still nothing changed.

"We've got a problem." Isabella said turning to Phineas.

"Wait, let me try." Phineas said pushing the button himself before turning to her. "Yeah, we've got a problem."

"What kind of problem?!" Candace shouted.

"We're kind of stuck here." Phineas explained.

Candace stared at him for a few seconds before her left eye started to twitch, followed by a blood curdling scream. Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and all the Fireside Girls plugged their ears for the entire duration of the scream. Which lasted a longer time than any of them suspected. After a good 2 minutes the scream ended.

"I think you just smashed the world record for the longest scream." Gretchen said as they all unplugged their ears.

"Doesn't matter much now, does it!?" Candace shouted jumping out of the machine.

"Now's probably not the best time to mention, there's a T-Rex in the general vicinity of us." Phineas said hopping out of the time machine along with everyone else.

"How large does this 'general vicinity' cover, exactly?" Isabella asked as she looked around nervously.

"Pretty much everywhere." Phineas said nonchalantly.

"Right… let's just figure out what's wrong and get out of here." Isabella said before tripping over a cord.

"Are you alright?" Phineas asked offering his hand to help her up.

"Y-yeah." Isabella said nervously, blushing lightly as she took his hand.

"What did you trip on?" Phineas asked picking up the cord she tripped on. "Looks like some kind of cord."

"That's probably the plug for the time machine." Ginger said.

"The PLUG for the machine!" Candace screamed. "Who builds a time machine that needs to be plugged in!?"

"Don't ask me, I didn't build it." Ginger said holding up her hands defensively.

Candace chose not to respond to that comment for fear of using language that is not appropriate for the current age group present.

"Let's not start attacking each other just yet, we can figure a way out of this." Phineas said trying to defuse the situation.

There was a long silence as everyone just kind of stood around looking at each other, no one really knowing what to do.

"I don't know what to do." Addison said breaking the silence.

"Well, the easiest solution is to find a source of electricity." Phineas said putting a hand on his chin. "But where do you find electricity in 65 million BC?"

"I got it!" Candace exclaimed snapping her fingers. "We need to find an electric eel!"

"Yeah…" Phineas said. "Anyone else?"

"Lightning." Isabella suggested. "But it's a clear day, we're going to need to wait for it to start raining."

"Well, until it does we need to set up a base of operations." Phineas said.

"I'm on it." Isabella said. "Turn to the 'Setting Up a Base of Operations During a Crisis' section of your Fireside Girls manual, girls."

After scouting the area, establishing a perimeter and, very carefully, locating the T-Rex, a base of operations was established. After they established the base of operations all they could do was wait. Wait… and talk.

"So… how about them Cubs?" Milly asked after several dozen minutes of silence.

"Prior to 2016, the last time the Cubs won the World Series the Ottoman Empire was still around." Ferb said.

"Huh." Milly said in response.

 _ **I might write a sequel chapter to this, but until I do just assume they were fine until it started raining when Candace would then be struck by lightning holding the cord.**_

 _ **BarryManiHigh inspired the open ending of this chapter, so thanks!**_

 _ **OntheRun246… I hope you imagined me snapping my fingers in a z-formation during my sass.**_


	19. Tales From 65 Million BC: Fishing

_**Since 'Dude We're Getting the Band Back Together' would be the same as usual… I'll make a chapter about Phineas and Friends' prehistoric adventures. I'll probably do this from now on whenever I don't feel like I can change an episode.**_

"There. That should do it." Phineas said tying the final piece of his latest creation.

"It's… something." Candace said tilting her head while staring at it.

"Yeah…" Isabella said trying to think of a nice way to let Phineas down. "I don't see how this helps us."

"Really? I thought it'd be obvious." Phineas said looking between his friend and his sister and his invention.

"I'm with her on this, I don't get it." Candace said tilting her head in the other direction.

"Guys, it's a net!" Phineas said excitedly.

"Well… yeah I can see that." Candace said returning her head to its regular position. "But how does it help us?"

"We can use it to catch food." Phineas explained picking up the small net.

"Phineas, I don't think we can catch a dinosaur with that…" Isabella said pointing at the net as he approached a small stream.

"Who said anything about catching dinosaurs?" Phineas asked tossing the net into the water.

"Phineas, can we even eat these fish?" Candace asked walking up beside him.

"On top of that, do you even know how to fish with a net? Or a pole for that matter?" Isabella asked walking to Phineas' other side.

"Well… no." Phineas said flatly. "I kind of assumed you did."

"While I do, you didn't make the right kind of net for fishing." Isabella said pointing at the net as it began floating down the stream. "How exactly did you plan on getting it out of the water?"

"I was gonna go in and get it." Phineas said as he watched his creation drift further and further away.

"Also, those holes were too big for a body of water this small." Isabella said continuing her assault on his creation. "If there's even any fish in this stream."

"Well, let's call that a beta test." Phineas said walking away from the stream.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just make a spear?" Candace asked as she and Isabella followed him towards their base of operations.

"Where's the fun in that, sis?" Phineas asked.

"Eating is the fun in that." Candace said holding up a finger. "Also, living long enough for it to rain." Candace said holding up another finger. "Also, living in general." Candace said holding up a third finger.

"Okay, okay, I get it." Phineas said. "Leave the fishing to the girls."

"For once, Phineas Flynn, you will be the one watching in awe." Isabella said as they finally reached their base. The base consisted of several children sitting and standing around a fire pit.

"While we do that, maybe you could build us an actual base of operations." Isabella said looking around the wimpy base.

"Or, maybe build a time machine that doesn't need to be PLUGGED IN!" Candace shouted grabbing the attention of everybody.

"Come _on_ , Candace, let it go." Phineas said.

"Yeah, that complaint was _so_ 27 hours ago." Ferb added.

 _ **Eh, this wasn't the greatest thing I've written in my life. But if you look at the other Fanfics I've written you'll see it's not the worst either. Don't uh… don't look at them. Please.**_

 _ **Also if people don't want to see any more of these 'Tales From 65 Million BC' chapters in here say so, I'll simply create a separate fanfiction for them.**_


	20. Tree to Get Ready

"Winner! Winner!" The TV announced, much to Candace's annoyance.

Having lost her 25th round in a row, Candace flung the video game controller across the room with a growl. Stacy was rather happy with her winning streak, leaning back on the couch with one arm behind her head.

"Attention, Candace! Come to the backyard! We have a surprise for you!" Phineas announced over a bullhorn in the backyard.

"What is it?" Candace asked angrily, still rather upset about losing all those rounds of wrestling.

"Hey, Candace. Check out your old tree house. I think you're gonna like it." Phineas announced from atop a giant treehouse, next to Ferb and Isabella.

"Treehouse?" Candace asked looking to the right of Phineas and Ferb's giant treehouse. "Whoa, no way!"

"Come on, let's check it out!" Stacy said excitedly grabbing Candace's hand and leading her to the treehouse's tire swing, which lifted them into the treehouse.

"I can't believe this is my old treehouse." Candace said as she and Stacy walked through the ginormous sapling abode. "Carpets, furniture, entertainment center."

"Wow, look at all these bells and whistles!" Stacy said as they walked past a wall of bells and whistles.

"I can't believe they did all this for me." Candace said as they entered an elevator, or more like an elevator shaft as there was no lift system.

"You may begin bouncing." Phineas' voice came from a speaker on the wall.

"Bounce?" Candace asked looking at the floor and seeing it was tightly-woven polypropylene tied to the bottoms of the walls.

"Come on! Bounce!" Stacy said grabbing Candace's hands as they bounced, they bounced out of the shaft, onto another trampoline attached to limbs of the tree, and onto a third trampoline attached to the tree.

"Woo-hoo!" They both shouted upon reaching a platform atop the tree. They double high-fived each other as a 2 tin cans attached to string rang beside them. Candace promptly picked them up and put one to her ear and the other in front of her mouth.

"What do you think of your new tree house?" Phineas asked through the, literal, line.

"I love it! You thought of everything!" Candace said through the make-shift phone.

"Glad you like it." Phineas said as Candace turned her head 90 degrees to the left and saw Phineas' face only centimeters from her own. They were so close that his nose was touching hers.

"Uh… hello." Candace said pulling back. "Didn't realize they were this close together."

"It's fine, just uh… don't touch my nose again." Phineas said hanging up the tin can phone.

"Sorry, it's just with the size of my treehouse it was almost as if I had my own tree." Candace said hanging up her line as well.

"Yeah, if we had 2 trees would could do some kind of… giant-tree-house-robot fight, or something." Stacy said leaning on the railing.

"Man, that sounds awesome!" Isabella said.

"Guess we'll have to settle for regular video game fights." Candace said as flashbacks to the great wrestling round of 13-0 came to her.

"Candace? Are you okay?" Isabella asked as Candace started shaking.

"No… not the headlock!" Candace said loudly as she hugged herself, falling to the ground. "Anything but the headlock!"

"Uh… is she alright?" Phineas asked looking away from his sister, now cradling herself, towards Stacy.

"She'll be fine, she's just suffering from PTBWSD." Stacy said waving her hand dismissively.

"What's… PTBWSD?" Isabella asked.

"Post -Traumatic-Butt-Whooping-Stress-Disorder." Stacy said as Candace started sucking her thumb.

 _ **Fun Fact: I was originally going to skip this episode but on a rewatch I realized something… they only have 1 tree in their backyard in every other episode.**_


	21. Ballad of Badbeard

"I'm sorry Mr. Whiskers!" Candace screamed jolting up in her sleeping bag upon hearing what sounded like a cat being strangled.

"Who's… Mr. Whiskers?" Isabella asked sitting up in her sleeping bag and stretching.

"He's uh… you know it doesn't matter." Candace said rubbing her eyes.

"Also, what the heck was that?" Isabella asked standing up.

"It sounded like somebody strangling a cat… must have been Grandpa." Candace said as she stood up as well.

"How do you know what strangling a cat sounds like." Isabella asked giving Candace a weird look.

Candace stared her in the eyes for a solid 10 seconds before changing the subject. "Come on, time for breakfast."

"Um…." Isabella said as Candace exited the tent.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" Phineas called out exiting his and Ferb's tent.

Candace walked up to Betty Jo as Baljeet stumbled out of his and Buford's tent coughing. "Grandma, when are you going to get a shower out here?"

"What do you think the river's for, honey?" Betty Jo said.

"You aren't serious…" Candace said as Isabella walked up to them. "Are you?"

"Candace, if we take too long all the good spots in the river will be taken." Isabella said.

"I wasn't serious, but it sounds like she is." Betty Jo said, surprised to hear Isabella say what she just said.

"Thanks, I got my acting patch last Summer." Isabella said turning to face Candace. "I heard the conversation as I came over here."

"Oh, good." Candace said putting a hand on her chest. "You had me going there."

"Come on, girls. We're waiting on you." Clyde called over from the logs next to the campfire.

Candace, Isabella and Betty Jo walked over to the campfire and sat down on the logs, Candace and Betty Jo across from Phineas and Ferb. Isabella sat right between Phineas and Ferb, Candace gave her a wink and thumbs up.

"Morning, Isabella. Hope you like eggs and bacon." Phineas said handing her a plate.

"Is it possible _not_ to like eggs and bacon?" Isabella asked as Clyde put 2 eggs and 2 strips of bacon on everybody's plate.

"Sure, if you're a vegetarian." Phineas said accepting his grandfathers cooked pig and chicken egg. "Or allergic to eggs."

"Eat up, campers. We're taking a nature walk to Badbeard Lake." Clyde said as the last plate had food placed on it.

"Why do they call it 'Badbeard Lake'?" Phineas asked taking a bite out of his eggs.

"Well it's a body of fresh water…" Clyde started to explain but Candace stopped listening. She ate in ignorance for a few seconds before the last few words caught her ear.

"…his bountiful booty. Heh!" Clyde said

"Bountiful booty?!" Candace exclaimed choking on a piece of bacon she had in her mouth.

"You know, treasure." Clyde said as everyone looked at Candace.

"What did _you_ think he meant, Candace?" Isabella asked with a sly grin.

"Treasure. I thought he meant treasure." Candace quickly said sticking a whole bacon strip in her mouth as she looked away.

"So, about that treasure…" Phineas said looking towards his Grandpa who now had one side of his glasses covered with black marker.

"Aye, matey." Clyde said.

"Why are you talking like a pirate, Grandpa?" Phineas asked.

"Arrrgh! I'm trying to tell the story of Badbeard the Pirate. There's a song about it. Say, does anyone have a concertina?" Clyde said looking to Buford. "Buford?"

Candace tuned herself out from the conversation again, not learning her lesson the first time. After a short, and admittedly catchy, song, the group went to the trail head. As Clyde told the kids about some kind of moss or something they walked along the trail, eventually coming to a stone stairway to the beach.

"Ugh, I wish I could call Stacy." Candace said as she looked at her useless phone.

"Left is right. Right is wrong." Clyde said. "So, stay clear of the orange moss. The slightest touch, and the orange moss will absorb through the skin, causing wild hallucinations."

Candace leaned up against a tree before looking at the orange moss growing on it. "Huh? Oh no! Was that the right side or the wrong side?" Candace said backing away from that tree and into another. "No, wait. The left side was the right side." Candace looked at the tree behind her and gasped, "Orange! Moss!"

"What's up with her?" Phineas asked Isabella as Candace ran off screaming.

"I don't know. Say, do you happen to know about a cat named Mr. Whiskers?" Isabella answered and asked.

"Nope." Phineas replied before Clyde spoke up.

"Thar she blows mateys. Badbeard Lake." Clyde said pointing towards the lake at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ooh!" All the kids collectively said.

"And thar be Spleen Island. The bones of them that hunted the treasure all be lyin' below in Davy Jones's locker."

"Cool!" Phineas said excitedly.

"Let's go!" Clyde said as they all broke out singing The Ballad of Badbeard again.

Candace on the other hand, was tripping balls. At some point, she climbed a tree and witnessed Perry and an eagle wearing fedoras while listening to man inside of an egg. After falling out of the tree Candace followed Perry to a dock and watched him ride off on a jet ski, not noticing her leg in a spool of rope.

"Now Perry has a wet ski? How strange can this get?" Candace said to herself.

"Oh, it gets much stranger, Kevin." A talking Zebra said floating right above the water.

"What the fu-" Candace started to say before being dragged off the dock via the rope wrapped around her leg.

Candace was seeing every color of the rainbow. She even saw some colors she didn't know existed. Meanwhile she was being dragged into a cave, eventually the rope slipped off her leg. She giggled to herself as she climbed on top of a rock, not caring about the moss covering 34/87ths of her body.

Swimming up to the dock Perry stopped his wet ski at, Candace climbed up and went into the same door Perry did. As she walked in she saw Perry hanging above a giant bowl of chocolate pudding with vanilla dolphins jumping out of it at him. She saw a pharmacist standing nearby, so naturally she walked up to him laughing maniacally.

"The sea hag!" The pharmacist said with a gasp, pointing at Candace.

"The pharmacist!" Candace said cheerfully pointing at the man. The pharmacist backed up and accidentally fell into the bowl of pudding, landing in the mouth of one of the dolphins. He dropped some kind of button and when it hit the ground it beeped and Perry was released from his licorice trap.

"Hey, Perry, I'm going to get a snack from the vending machine. You want something?" Candace asked walking up to a vending machine.

Perry simply waved his hand 'no' once in response.

"Suit yourself. I'm gonna have me some beef jerky!" Candace said pushing the buttons corresponding to her dried meat selection.

Perry ran up and grabbed Candace's hand as they skipped out of the cave together. Eventually they jumped off a diving board and landed in a river of honey, Candace enjoyed this very much. After a few seconds the honey river led to a honey waterfall where they fell until being grabbed by the same eagle from earlier. The eagle carried them over to a giant ship in the lake and dropped them off in the crows nest.

Perry grabbed Candace and swung them down to the deck with a rope.

"Hey, Perry, where's your cute little secret agent hat?" Candace asked tilting her head at the semi-aquatic mammal. "Maybe the moss is wearing off."

"Hey, Candace." Phineas greeted walking over with a giant black beard on his… well where his chin would be. "Where have you been? You missed out on the fun."

Candace looked around at the kids on the boat and saw they all had beards on their faces. "Yeah, hasn't worn off yet…"

"What hasn't worn off yet?" Phineas asked.

"The orange moss Grandpa told you about. The one that makes you hallucinate." Candace explained.

"Oh, well hope it clears up soon." Phineas said as he walked back over to Ferb at the ships rear.

"Hey, Candace." Isabella said walking up to her.

"Oh, hey, Isabella. Did you do what we talked about?" Candace asked referencing the talk I hinted about 6 chapters ago.

"Well, I tried to drop a hint like you said, but then Baljeet came along singing about not having enough underwear." Isabella said shuddering slightly.

"Well, another chance will present itself, you just have to be on the lookout for them." Candace said,

"That sounds easy enough. Oh, and Candace?"

"Yes?"

"Orange moss doesn't make you hallucinate. Blue moss does."

 _ **Eh, I don't know how I feel about this chapter. I feel like I just took the original episode and pasted the whole thing into this chapter. I know that's basically all this story is but something about this chapter just doesn't' sit right with me. Eh, it's whatever I guess. With over 200 episodes there's bound to be a few I end up not liking after adding my flavor to them.**_

 _ **I've also changed the picture for the story, it took me a solid 5 minutes to make so I hope you like it.**_


	22. Greece Lightning

Candace, Phineas, Ferb and Lawrence were at the museum looking at the Greek exhibit. There was a bunch of statues of hunky guys in skirts. There was also a chariot or something but, Candace didn't care about that.

"I can't believe you guys dragged me all the way over here for this." Candace said sighing. "Well, at least there's hunky guys in skirts."

While Candace fawned over the hunky guys in skirts, Phineas, Ferb and Lawrence were busy learning about Greek mythology, like some vegetable that was a Greek warrior. Honestly, I'm not making this up.

"Kind of reminds me of Candace." Phineas said, just barely breaking through Candace's clouded mind full of dirty thoughts I can't list in this T-rated story.

"What?" Candace asked whipping around to face her brothers and father.

"Nothing." Phineas said quickly looking away from his sister.

Looking at the statue in front of her family, Candace put two and two together. And got four, but I'm pretty sure we all knew that was coming. After a bit more fawning and learning the family returned to their house. Lawrence took over the living room to watch 12 hours' worth of gladiator movies, leaving Candace with nothing to do. At all. Absolutely _nothing_ in the **entire world** to do. So, she went into the backyard.

"Hey, Phineas, doing anything fun out here?" Candace asked entering the backyard and seeing Phineas, Ferb and all their friends.

"Candace, great! You're right on time! Check out this cool-lookin' helmet we made for you!" Phineas said present a bronze helmet with snake figures on top of it. "And we built you your own chariot that looks just like-"

Candace shot Phineas a death glare causing him to stop speaking.

"Like… Medusa, from Greek mythology. Heh…" Phineas said chuckling nervously.

"Right… while I appreciate the craftsmanship I'm not much for chariot races… I think I'll join Dad watching his Greek movies." Candace said walking back towards the house.

"Suit yourself." Phineas said climbing about his chariot.

Unfortunately for Candace, Lawrence had just gotten to the chariot race portion of his current movie. Even more unfortunate for Candace, the chariot race outside had already kicked off. Trudging upstairs Candace pulled out her phone and called Stacy.

"Hey, Stace." Candace said into the cellular device. "Not much. Want to go see that new movie? No, the one about Platypuses… Platypi? Platypeople?"

 _ **BarryManiHigh suggested that I have Candace and her friends make an invention for 'Best Lazy Day Ever'. I like that idea, after reading that I thought of other episodes that I could use this same idea. To name a few: 'Phineas and Ferb Busters' (rather than gather her friends to bust Phineas and Ferb, they help them), 'Not Phineas and Ferb' (perhaps helping Irving, Baljeet and Buford build something or other), and 'Split Personality' (Rather than Busting Candace it'd be Building Candace or something of the like).**_


	23. Leave the Busting to Us

"Wow, that's gotta be the tallest thing you've built so far." Candace said looking up at the ginormous Ferris Wheel in her backyard.

"Yeah, it goes all the way to space. We even convinced our friend on the International Space Station to ride it." Phineas said pulling a lever on the grass lawn that made the wheel rotate around.

"This was the best ride ever, guys." Isabell said climbing out of the Ferris Wheel when it came to a halt. Phineas pulled the lever again and the next seat had 2 astronauts on it.

"Oh, that was a very fabulous ride. Now can you send us back to the space station perhaps?" One of the astronauts said putting his helmet back on.

"Sure thing, Sergei." Phineas said pulling the lever again, the next booth has aliens in it. It was at this time Candace decided to make her exit.

"Ugh, just looking at it makes me queasy." Candace said entering the house right as a loud rumbling sound came from outside, shaking the house slightly as it got further away.

"Hm, well I hope Sergei gets back to the space station." Phineas said as he and Ferb entered the house.

"Oh, hello kids, do you guys want some snacks?" Linda asked as the trio walked through the kitchen.

"Yes, please!" Phineas said excitedly as he and Ferb accepted a pair of apples.

"None for me, thanks." Candace said before walking through the living room, and for some reason the TV was on.

"Do you live in the Danville area and want to bust your brothers?" A man's voice said on the TV as Candace walked past, seeing the TV was on Candace picked up the remote. "Then call now and you can be on the next episode of-"

"Gave that up long ago, don't need to be roped back in." Candace said to herself clicking off the TV before continuing on her path up to her room.

 _ **What's this? A short chapter with exposition thrown in?**_

 _ **Also for some reason the last few chapters I uploaded didn't change the "update" date on the story. Whether that's just on my end or actually on the site I don't know.**_


	24. Crack That Whip

"You got it, Candace!" Stacy said encouragingly as she skated alongside her best friend. "You may be rusty, but you got it!"

"I can't turn around… or stop, but I got it!" Candace said skating very awkwardly. "I wonder if Jeremy's skating here today. Does this helmet make my butt look big?" Candace asked looking at her behind.

"Yes. But don't worry! I hear that's a good thing nowadays." Stacy answered honestly.

"Good… I think." Candace said before Stacy stopped her and pointing off towards a small crowd of people.

"Hey, isn't that Phineas and Ferb?" Stacy asked as Phineas, Ferb and their grandmother were skating in circles in the middle of the crowd.

Her family members shouted various greetings, but Candace didn't know who they were.

"I am so not with them! Turn me a round, Stacy!" Candace commanded to which Stacy obliged.

As they were skating away a couple of shouts could be heard coming from where they left. Stacy, at Candace's request, turned her back around and they stopped just far enough away from the scuffle to hear the argument.

"Anytime, anywhere." An old lady said to Betty Jo.

"You skate like a water buffalo!" Betty Jo shouted back as the sound of someone skating up behind Candace was heard.

"Hi, Jeremy." Candace said flirtatiously as Jeremy came to a halt beside her.

"Uh, Candace? Why is my grandma yelling at your grandma?" Jeremy asked watching the scuffle as well.

"That's your grandmother?" Candace asked pointing at the approaching old woman.

"Come on, Jeremy. You and your little sister are on my team." The woman said before suddenly shouting at a little girl not too far away. "Suzy!"

The little girl skated up to the group at an incredulous speed. "Yes, Grandma?" She asked sweetly.

"Me, you and Jeremy are a team. Got it?" The woman said as Candace was pulled away from them and towards her family.

"So, I need two of you kids on my team, okay?" Betty Jo said once Candace was apprehended.

"Well you can have Phineas and Ferb, Grandma. I'm not-" Candace started to say before being interrupted by the little girl.

"But it's not fair, Candace. Our team has two girls and one boy, so you need to be on your grandma's team so it's fair. Cause it's not fair if it's two boys and one girl against two girls and one boy, so you have to skate, Candace, or else it won't be fair." Suzy said before smiling sweetly.

"Then it's you, Ferb, and Grandma! You'll make a great team!" Phineas said happily.

"B-but-" Candace started to protest before being interrupted by Jeremy.

"I guess it's set then. We gotta do it for our grandmas. Right, Candace?"

"Yeah…" Candace said chuckling nervously. "Right…"

"Psst." Suzy said poking Candace in the back, causing Candace to whip her head around. "See you on the track, chump!" With that, she skated away, doing a little twirl in the air as she did.

"She's like 4 years old! How'd she learn to skate like that!" Candace complained to herself before turning back to her family. "Phineas, you gotta help me."

"Help you with what?" Phineas asked as Ferb and Betty Jo skated off to do more spins or something.

"I can't skate, I can barely stand still with these things on." Candace said pointing to her feet.

"Don't worry, Candace. I'm sure you'll do fine! It's just for fun after all." Phineas said giving her a supportive thumb up.

"Don't you know how to read a room? This is _not_ for fun." Candace said putting her hands on her hips.

"But we're not in a room." Phineas replied, the figure of speech going right over his head.

"Ugh, Isabella is right. You are the most oblivious boy in the world." Candace said face palming.

"What does that mean?" Phineas asked tilting his head.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm going to get my- Wait a second!" Candace said as a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Okay, it's been a second. What's up?"

"There's nowhere to have a roller-skating derby, remember? The old derby track got torn down and turned into a tattoo parlor!"

"Leave the rink to-" Phineas started to say before Ferb skated by and handed him a bill. "Oh, shoot that's right. Our water park the other day drained the last of our money from the directing gig."

"Yes! That means no more derby!" Candace said pumping her fists in the air happily.

"Nah, it just means we have to start doing favors for people again." Phineas said pocketing the bill. "Anyway, don't worry about the rink, me and Ferb have it covered."

"Great…" Candace said awkwardly skating her way towards Stacy who witnessed the entire fiasco from the sidelines.

"Well… all of that happened." Stacy said as Candace slowly made her way towards her.

"Yeah, and now I'm at a crossroads." Candace said stopping her legs and just letting what little momentum she had run its course. "If I win, Jeremy might not like me anymore. If I lose, my Grandma might not like me anymore."

"All I know for sure is boys _hate_ to be beaten by girls." Stacy said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ugh, Stacy what am I going to- whoa!" Candace said slipping on her skates mid-sentence.

"Let's get you out of those before you break your neck." Stacy said, barely managing to catch Candace.

"Stacy, that's it!" Candace said as Stacy led them over to a bench.

"Breaking your neck?!" Stacy asked surprised.

"No, well maybe if worst comes to worst. What I mean is, if I get injured then I can't skate in the derby." Candace said as she sat down on the bench.

"Couldn't they just postpone the derby until you heal?" Stacy asked skating backwards in circles around the bench.

"Ugh, you're right…" Candace said resting her chin on her hand as she watched Stacy skating circles around her. "Hey…"

"What?" Stacy asked slowing to stop in front of her.

"You could skate for me!" Candace exclaimed.

"I don't know if they'd go for it, I mean wouldn't that little girl just spout some nonsense about it not being fair since I'm not related to you guys?" Stacy asked resuming her backwards circles.

"We've been friends forever, you're practically related to us." Candace said untying her skates.

"I don't know, Candace…"

"Well, if not then I guess I'll just slip and fall…" Candace said looking away, while keeping one eye on her friend.

"Ugh, fine, it won't hurt to at least ask." Stacy said. "Don't think I don't know what you were trying to do."

"Thanks, Stace." Candace said putting on her regular shoes. "Have I ever told you how much I value our friendship?"

"Cut the sappy stuff I already said yes." Stacy said as they walked, and skated, towards the park exit.

After a relatively short trip back to the Flynn-Fletcher household, Candace and Stacy approached the backyard.

"Well, they got to work fast." Stacy said upon seeing the giant roller-rink in the backyard.

"Yeah…" Candace said heading towards the house. "Well, good luck!"

"Oh, no. If they say no you still have to skate in the derby." Stacy said grabbing Candace's arm.

"But I don't even _want_ to." Candace protested.

"Well, why don't you tell them that?" Stacy asked pointing to her family standing outside of the rink.

"Great idea, Stacy! Why didn't I think of that…" Candace said walking over to them.

Stacy watched Candace walk over to her grandmother, exchange a few words, then she had a helmet tossed at her, then Betty Jo started to chew on a skate. Then they ushered Candace inside.

"That did not go over well." Stacy said to herself.

 _Meanwhile in the locker room_

"And then on the final lap, we'll use _The Whip_ to send the weak skater." Betty Jo explained, turning to Candace. "No offense, honey, but that's you. Over the finish line. To victory!"

Candace's mind wandered as she thought of the horrific outcomes of the derby race. What would Jeremy think of her? What would Betty Jo think of her if she lost? All that and more will be answered next time on: _Candace's Subconscious_.

"And remember, honey, show 'em no mercy!" Betty Jo said before she and Ferb made their exit.

Candace sat on the bench in the locker room mulling over her options when she heard someone enter the locker room. Candace started to put on her skates as Stacy came and sat down next to her.

"Just wanted to wish you luck before you went out." Stacy said as she sat down.

"Stacy! You can go out there for me, they never said no!" Candace said excitedly.

"They never said yes either. In fact, did you even ask?" Stacy asked looking skeptically at her friend.

"Noooooo…" Candace said after a few seconds of scrutiny from Stacy.

"At least your honest." Stacy said standing up. "Alright I'll go out there, but if they say no you're on your own."

"Great, let me just change out of this stupid uniform." Candace said standing up as well.

 _ ***insert scene of Candace and Stacy changing here***_

"It's a good thing we're the same size." Stacy said. "Well I'm off, wish yourself luck that they accept this."

"Good luck, me!" Candace called out as Stacy left the locker room. "And I know what I can do in the meantime…"

 _At the starting line_

"Stacy? Where's Candace?" Betty Jo asked as Stacy skated up to them. "And why are you wearing her uniform?

"Candace… got sick… so I'm filling in for her." Stacy said making up an excuse as she stopped at the line.

"What's wrong?" Hildegard said, taunting Betty Jo. "Your granddaughter too chicken to show up?"

"She just… isn't feeling well." Stacy said taking her starting position.

"Sure." Hildegard said with a snide smirk as she took her position as well.

As Phineas announced what this whole event was about Suzy tried to voice her opinion on the matter, but Phineas kept getting louder and louder as he talked. Meanwhile in the announcer box Candace was cranking up the sound of the microphone just in case Suzy tried to say something. Eventually the derby started and Suzy was left standing at the starting line because she was too busy trying to get Stacy kicked off the team. She quickly took off after the others and the race was on!

After several laps of tomfoolery and singing, Betty Jo and Hildegard took the lead on the final lap. They were neck and neck the entire final lap, until right as they were about to cross the finish line they both locked eyes… then suddenly Stacy came flying by and knocked them both over as she crossed the finish line. Candace, Phineas and Clyde went down to the track to congratulate the winning team.

"Well, at least I won this race." Betty Jo said to Hildegard.

" _You_ won? You're crazy! She's not even related to you!" Hildegard shouted sticking her thumb out at Stacy who was doing victory reverse circles around them.

"You didn't have a problem with her being on my team 5 minutes ago!" Betty Jo shouted back.

"Guys, stop fighting. We all had fun right?" Stacy asked still doing victory circles.

"How about you, Hilda? Did you have fun?" Betty Jo asked.

"Yeah I did. Maybe it ain't so important who won but that we had fun with the kids." Hildegard said pulling Jeremy and Suzy close to her.

"Well I certainly enjoyed this." Ferb spoke up.

"You know, neither of _us_ actually won…" Betty Jo started to say.

"So, what are we going to do about that?" Hildegard asking, understanding what Betty Jo was hinting at.

"Race you to the Rutherford B. Hayes statue!" Betty Jo shouted before taking off. "Go!"

Everyone but Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Jeremy and Stacy left to follow them.

"Why didn't they just do a 1 on 1 race in the first place?!" Candace shouted into the heavens as she facepalmed.

"Candace, are you alright?" Jeremy asked walking up to her with a concerned look on his face. "Stacy said you weren't feeling well."

"I'm…" Candace said looking behind Jeremy to Stacy who gave her a thumb up. "Doing better."

"Well, come on. Let's sit you down inside." Jeremy said grabbing Candace's hand as he lead her inside.

"Sure." Candace said dreamily as they entered the house.

"Here, I believe this belongs to you." Phineas said handing a large trophy to Stacy.

"Thanks! Now I can finally put something on my trophy shelf." Stacy said accepting the trophy.

Stacy, Phineas and Ferb proceeded to exit the derby, not 2 steps, or skates in Ferb and Stacy's case, outside the derby it turned into a giant loaf of bread. Phineas simply shrugged his shoulders as they went into the house right as Linda and Lawrence got back from their symposium. Everyone had some snacks, it was a good day all around.

Oh and about Betty Jo and Hildegard's race? They tied.

 _ **Well this chapter got extremely longer than I thought it would, a lot of it could probably be cut off and be explained in a quick sentence but where's the fun in that? This is also the first chapter so far where I've gone really far off the beaten path for the episode. Hope people like it.**_

 _ **Also, I won't post this until Fanfiction fixes their uploading issues. So… by the time you see this they'll be fixed… meaning this is a rather useless sentence to include. Oh well.**_

 _ **BarryManiHigh mentioned continuity between 'Quantum Boogaloo' and 'Attack of the Fifty-Foot Sister', it took me a second to realize what he meant, but I think I can work that in.**_


	25. Best Lazy Day Ever

Candace was sitting in her room on her bed doing absolutely nothing of interest to a third part viewing her room without her knowledge. She was lying in bed looking up at the ceiling when her phone rang.

"Hey, Stacy." Candace said answering the phone after looking at the caller ID. "Yes, Yes. I'm ready for Jeremy's band's outdoor concert at the summer festival! Today's gonna be amazing!" With that Candace hung up the phone. Even though, unbeknownst to her, on the other end of the line Stacy opened her mouth to say something.

Candace looked at the clock on her bedside table, then wondering why there was no construction noises coming from outside yet, looked outside. Phineas and Ferb were just standing there, doing nothing, so Candace went down there to investigate.

"Hi, Candace." Phineas greeted without moving his body an inch.

"Hi, Phineas… what are you guys doing?" Candace asked getting straight to the point.

"We're doing nothing." Phineas responded this time moving his head approximately seventeen and three-quarters degrees North-Northeast.

"Nothing?" Candace asked raising an eyebrow at the triangle headed boy.

"Nothing," Phineas affirmed.

"Standing is doing something." Candace said being obstinate for no reason other than her own pleasure.

In response to this, Phineas and Ferb slowly fell onto their backs.

"Hm, well alright then." Candace said walking back inside the house.

About 20 minutes later Stacy arrived and took Candace to the Summer festival. Jeremy and his band were there, then they were replaced by punk rockers, then they were back again. It was a very strange evening, to say the least. But near the end of the song, Jeremy had Candace and Stacy come up on stage and sing the rest with his band, so I guess it wasn't that bad of a day.


	26. Voyage to the Bottom of Buford

_**Since 'Boyfriend from 27,000 BC would be the same, save for a couple of lines and such, and I don't particularly like that episode, I'm skipping over it.**_

Candace and Stacy were near the Danville pier trying on different pairs of sunglasses at one of the gift shops. After several goofy pairs of sunglasses, Stacy looked off towards the sound of a helicopter.

"Hey, Candace, look." Stacy said tapping Candace on the shoulder causing her to look up from the rack of sunglasses revealing a pair of fish sunglasses on her eyes. "Is that a submarine?"

"Yeah, looks like it." Candace replied looking at the submarine being lowered into the water by the helicopter.

"And aren't those your brothers?"

"Yep." Candace replied turning back to the sunglass rack.

"Cool." Stacy said, turning back towards the sunglass rack as well.

 _ **I think they fixed the update dates, I had 3 chapters written during the down time so hopefully these show up for you folks.**_


	27. Tales From 65 Million BC: Society

_**Since 'A Hard Day's Knight" would be the same save for… pretty much nothing I can think of, I'm gonna place a Tales from 65 Million BC chapter in here.**_

Candace sat up in her bed after sleeping soundly, stretching her arms above her head she yawned loudly. Heh, that rhymed. Rubbing her eyes, she clambered out of bed and walked over to her closet. Opening it up she basked in the glory of her empty space.

"Oh, right…" Candace said to herself closing the closet. "Still in Dinosaur land."

Looking down at her mostly dirty clothes she shuddered and exited her room. Her room was in fact a small wooden hut, each of the kids has one. Looking up at the morning sky, Candace cursed the mysterious forces of the universe for not having it rain. After imagining herself screaming multiple expletives at the sky, Candace walked over to the campfire which was at the center of all the huts.

"Oh, morning, Candace." A Fireside girl said while lounging around the campfire.

"Oh, good morning… Milly, right?" Candace greeted back sitting down across from her.

"Yep." Milly responded as a slightly awkward silence began.

"So…" Candace started to say, not really having an idea of where to take the conversation.

"You know, you don't have to talk. We can just sit here and appreciate the fact that we're witnessing something no human before us has seen."

Candace didn't respond to this and simply let the awkward silence return. After several minutes, a few other Fireside girls began exiting their huts. Eventually Phineas and Ferb, who shared a slightly larger hut, joined the group of girls.

"Morning everybody." Phineas greeted as he and Ferb sat down around the campfire.

"Good morning, Phineas." Isabella said happily.

"So, what's for breakfast?" Phineas asked.

"Berries." Isabella said flatly, pushing over a small handmade basket of various berries.

"And you're sure these are safe to eat?" Phineas asked picking up a handful of berries.

"For the 4h time, yes." Isabella said rolling her eyes.

"I doubt it's been 4 times…" Phineas said eating a few berries.

"Yes. It has been. Every day you've asked me." Isabella said dryly.

"Oh." Phineas said looking around awkwardly.

"Don't look at me, I believed her the first time." Ferb said eating his berries.

"So… how's the fishing going?" Phineas asked.

"Well, I haven't started it yet. Was going to start today." Isabella said looking over her shoulder in the direction of the stream.

"Well, good luck I suppose." Phineas said wishing her good luck. "Ferb and I are going to try and do something about the Time Machine."

"Why didn't you guys do that in the first place?" Candace asked annoyed.

"Well, I don't think any of us wanted to sleep outside." Phineas said gesturing to the huts all around them.

"Ugh, you're right." Candace said. "I'm sorry it's just… all this is too much for me.

"I know how you feel, I almost forget what clean clothes feel like." Adyson spoke up with a mouth full of berries.

"Well, why don't you guys just wash your clothes in the stream?" Phineas said suggested as they all looked at him. "What? It's what Ferb and I did." Phineas then gestured to his relatively clean shirt and shorts.

"That's a novel idea Phineas… but uh…" Candace started to say, not knowing the proper way to say what she meant.

"Don't worry, Ferb and I can lock ourselves in our hut." Phineas said picking up what Candace was putting down. Metaphorically speaking, that is. He didn't literally… pick up what she was… I think you get it.

"Your hut has locks?" Milly asked.

"Yeah, it also has 2 king sized beds, 4 rooms, a mirror and a window." Phineas answered standing up.

Adyson began coughing loudly while saying "Social hierarchy" between hacks.

"Don't like it? Build your own hut next time." Phineas said playfully as he and Ferb returned to their hut.

 _ **This chapter was going to be titled "Socially Hierarchical" but Fanfiction didn't let me use that title because it was too long.**_


	28. Traffic Cam Caper

The Flynn-Fletcher family was sitting around a dining room table eating in silence. Well as silent as a diner table can get with all the chewing that goes on. But what I mean is, in terms of conversation, it was completely silent.

"So, boys, what did you guys do today?" Linda asked turning me into a liar.

"We made an elevator to the moon in the backyard." Phineas said presenting several moon rocks.

Ferb pulled out a completely white flag.

"Yeah… that flag used to be an American Flag." Phineas said.

"Oh, you boys are so adorable." Lawrence said taking a bite from the food on his plate.

Candace quietly snickered to herself.

Phineas yawned before speaking again. "Pushing the boundaries of time and space sure makes a guy tired."

"Night, boys." Lawrence said as Phineas and Ferb left the table and went upstairs.

"Their imagination makes life so much more fun." Linda said collecting the plates at the table. "Don't you think so, Candace?"

"Oh yeah, their 'imagination' is so much fun." Candace said making air quotes around imagination.

Linda had turned to walk towards the sink and didn't see Candace's air quotes. Lawrence had gotten up to grab a pile of letters from the counter, so he didn't see them either.

"Well, I'm going to be bed." Candace said leaving the dining room to go to bed.

"Night, Candace." Linda said as she put the dishes in the sink.

As Candace ascended the stairs she heard her father tell her mother about some kind of camera across the street that record everything. 24/7.

"That's creepy." Candace said to herself as she reached the top of the stairs.

"What's creepy?" Phineas asked startling Candace as she had somehow not seen him 2 feet in front of her.

"You." Candace answered playfully.

"Hey, I took the camera out of your room." Phineas said holding his hands up defensively.

"What I really meant was the camera on the street that records everything." Candace said turning to look behind her, as if she could see the camera through the walls.

"That's good, because I didn't actually take the camera out of your room." Phineas said before entering his and Ferb's room. "Night, sis."

 _ **Thanks OnTheRun246 and gamelover41592 for your kind words on the last chapter.**_ **:)**


	29. Bowl-R-Ama Drama

Candace was just lounging around in her room when her phone rang, she saw it was Jeremy and answered it inhumanely quickly. After a few words Candace accepted his proposal. Not _that_ kind of proposal, though Candace would have probably preferred it that way. Ending the phone call Candace immediately dialed another number.

"Oh, my gosh, Stacy! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!" Candace shouted into her cellphone. "Jeremy asked me if I could meet him at the fair later today next to the Ferris wheel."

"That's great, Candace!" Stacy responded, happy for her friend.

"Oh, no! I almost forgot I'm scared of heights! What am I going to do?" Candace asked with a hand worryingly placed on her cheek.

"Why don't you just-" Stacy started to say but Candace didn't hear the rest of her answer as Linda shouted from downstairs.

"Candace, we're leaving now!"

"Mom, I'm having a teenage crisis!" Candace shouted back.

"Don't forget we're going bowling. We need you to keep an eye on the boys." Linda shouted again.

"Preferably two." Lawrence shouted as well.

"-and then you can get married and have 2 kids, Xavier and Amanda." Stacy finished, not realizing Candace heard none of it.

"Sorry, Stace, my mom was shouting at me. What did you say?"

Candace couldn't see it, but Stacy was facepalming. She did hear her groan loudly though.

"Just don't ride the Ferris wheel." Stacy answered, upset that her long-winded explanation had fallen on deaf ears.

"Not riding the Ferris wheel will lead to me having children with Jeremy?"

"Not directly, I hope. You just missed the other 3,837 steps I laid out for you while your mom was shouting at you, apparently."

"So, what do you think I should wear to the fair tonight? I'm thinking my favorite red blouse with my white skirt and red matching socks."

"It's funny because that's what you always wear!" Stacy said laughing.

Candace joined in on the laughter, it was quickly interrupted by a loud crash coming from the backyard.

"Stacy, I'm gonna have to put you on hold." Candace said putting Stacy on hold as she stuck her head out of her window.

She witnessed a chair pop out of the side of a giant bowling ball, and Phineas was sitting in it. Isabella walked up to Phineas and they exchanged a few words, Phineas hopped out of the bowling ball and then the giant pins they were rolling the ball into were… Candace didn't care enough to keep her head stuck out the window and pulled it back in.

"Sorry about that, Stace. My brothers are playing giant bowling or something." Candace said un-holding Stacy.

"Oh, so _that's_ what that sound is. I can hear it all the way over here." Stacy said.

 _ **I like writing these short and sweet chapters. Even if this one isn't so sweet. Also, this story hit 3,000 views, so that's pretty cool I would say!**_

 _ **Thanks, gamelover41592 for the kind words.**_ **:)**


	30. Put that Putter Away

_**Due to "Got Game?" and "Comet Kermillian" being the same, I'm just gonna skip over them. It's a shame because Comet Kermillian is a classic… for reasons I'm sure you all know. Also, sorry about no updates for a week, was just me being a lazy dude again.**_

Candace was lying in bed, sick as a dog. Even though I've never seen a sick dog, I'd assume it'd be as bad as Candace was right now. After wallowing in self-pity and her own germs for a short while after waking up Stacy burst into her room.

"Hey, Candace. When I heard you were sick, I came right over. Today I am your servant." Stacy said with a bow.

"Gosh. What a good friend." Candace said hoarsely.

"I brought you a get-well package. Miso soup- heats itself, don't ask- Who Wants to Be a Total Idiot 3, and rocky road ice cream! You don't want everything to be good. And you don't have to worry about your brothers - your mom says they're off playing miniature golf." Stacy said before scoffing. "How lame is that?"

As Candace was looking through the bag Stacy placed on her bed Stacy quickly walked over to a corner of the room and whispered to the ceiling; "I love you, miniature golf!"

For a while Stacy did various things for Candace, such as grabbing tissues, getting glasses of water and watching a movie with her. Eventually though sounds of construction came from the backyard, as usual.

"What's that?" Candace asked hoarsely. I mean obviously, your voice doesn't suddenly sound normal while you're still sick.

"Your brothers own a giant crane? No way!" Stacy exclaimed as she looked out the window.

"Hey, Stace, can you go down and tell them to be quiet?" Candace asked before drinking the rest of the water in her glass. "And maybe get me some more water?"

"As you wish, m'lady." Stacy said with a bow making them both giggle.

Stacy walked downstairs with Candace's glass in her hand, placing it on the kitchen counter as she exited the house into the backyard. Stacy kindly asked Phineas and friends to keep it quiet out here, she also asked what they were doing. Which was a _big_ mistake…

"It's miniature golf!" Stacy said excitedly as she re-entered Candace's room, glass in hand.

"What?" Candace asked taking the glass from Stacy's hand.

"Phineas and Ferb." Stacy said pointing at the window. "They're making a _huge_ miniature golf course. I mean it's got this giant windmill and I think I saw a hockey rink being put it and-" Stacy stopped talking when Candace put a hand up in the air.

"Go on." Candace said nodding her head towards the backyard.

"I couldn't. Not now." Stacy protested.

"No, I'm serious. Go." Candace said with a small smile and a nod.

"Candace, I-" Stacy started to say before being cut off.

"Stacy, just go before I change my mind." Candace said making Stacy bolt out of the room.

Candace laughed lightly to herself before the laugh became coughing so she stopped. Continuing the movie she and Stacy had started, she watched it until she heard some loud music coming from outside. As she tried to imagine what kind of activities were going on where disco music would be played, she took a drink from her glass of water only to find out it was empty.

Wrapping her blanket around her, Candace slipped on her Ducky Mo-Mo slippers and slowly made her way downstairs. After a few minutes, she arrived at the kitchen and filled up her glass with water. As she began to leave she noticed the backyard was empty, not even her brothers or Stacy were there. Shrugging it off Candace continued her way upstairs. After arriving she continued the, admittedly bad, movie. As the movie's credits rolled Stacy entered the bedroom with an excited look on her face.

"Candace, guess what?" Stacy asked, not giving Candace a chance to respond before continuing. "I won! I actually won in miniature golf!"

"That's nice." Candace said right before Stacy sneezed loudly. Both girls looked at each other, knowing what this probably meant. Sure enough, within an hour Stacy had come down with a case of the sickness. What was she sick with? The same thing Candace was, of course!

"Sorry I abandoned you to play miniature golf." Stacy said hoarsely, lying in bed next to Candace.

"Don't apologize, I let you go. I'm sorry I got you sick."

 _ **Well I hope this was worth the wait. If you don't think it was don't be afraid to call me a loser.**_


	31. Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat?

Candace was sleeping her bed when all of a sudden, she caught a whiff of… something. Something…. Semi-aquaticy… and green. Waking up, Candace opened her eyes to see, shocker, Perry the Platypus sleeping on top of her. Looking towards her door, she saw it was closed, just like last time she woke up with him on top of her.

"How do you keep getting in here?" Candace asked Perry, waking him up.

Perry chattered in response.

Picking Perry up she placed him on the ground and opened her door for him to leave, which he did. Closing the door behind him she got ready for Jeremy's visit. After getting ready she went downstairs and saw Linda crawling around the kitchen.

"Uh Mom? What are you doing?" Candace asked.

"I'm looking for my earrings." Linda responded as she opened the cabinet underneath the sink.

"Well, Jeremy will be over here soon. Please try not to embarrass me in front of him again."

"What do you mean, 'again'?" Linda asked sticking her entire head into the cabinet.

"Remember my sixth-grade dance with the skinny-" Candace started to explain before being cut-off by Linda.

"Oh, that's right. My bad."

Shortly thereafter, Jeremy did indeed arrive. He and Candace did stuff that teenagers do, I don't know specifics because for the entirety of my teenage life I had no friends and therefore have no clue as to what they were doing… But it was probably watching TV or something.

 _ **Thanks, gamelover41592 and OnTheRun246 for their kind words!**_ **:)**

 _ **Also, you're welcome gamelover41592. I also really like that episode.**_


	32. One Good Scare Ought to Do It!

_**Flying Fishmonger the same as usual, skipping over it, you know the drill.**_

Candace was sitting on her bed, practicing talking to Jeremy by using a banana instead of a phone… for some reason. Then her mother came in and said something about going to book club and then made fun of her for talking to a banana. After practicing for a few more minutes, Candace had built up enough courage to actually call Jeremy, for realsies this time!

Walking down into the kitchen to grab a quick drink so that she would sound refreshed rather than parched over the phone, Candace saw Phineas, Ferb and Isabella in the backyard. Opening the door partway to stick her head through it. Candace cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Oh, hey, Candace." Phineas said turning to face her.

"Listen, I'm going to make an important phone call… on the phone not the banana, and I need you to be quiet for a bit, please?" Candace asked, immediately regretting mentioning a banana.

"Uh… sure, sis. We haven't gotten started yet so you should have a little time…" Phineas said. After Candace closed the door he spoke again. "You guys heard that part about a banana, right? It wasn't just me?"

"Alright, just breathe and relax." Candace said to herself before pulling out her phone and dialing Jeremy's number. After a few rings, the phone went to voicemail, much to Candace's disappointment. Trying again, the phone rang a few times, again, and then went to voicemail, again. Sighing in disappointment, Candace trudged her way up to her bedroom and flopped onto the bed.

After several minutes of wallowing in self-pity while an assortment of noises you would hear at a construction yard went off outside, Candace decided to try calling Jeremy again. As the phone rang, Candace saw… something out of the corner of her eye. Turning to where she saw the thing move, Jeremy answered his phone… Right as Candace came face-to-face with a snake!

Screaming, Candace dropped her phone and sprinted out of her room, out of the house and into the backyard. Panting hard from running so far so quickly, Candace almost didn't see Phineas approaching her.

"Hey, Candace, just thought I should let you know, we lost a few snakes in the house." Phineas said before cocking his head to side. "Why do you look like you just saw a ghost while in the middle of running a marathon?"

"Why…" Candace said taking in a deep breath. "Do you…" Candace took another breath. "Think?"

Phineas blinked at her a few times before realization dawned on him. "Oh! It was a spider, wasn't it?"

Candace gave him a deadpanned look before looking behind him and seeing a ginormous house that stretched all the way to the clouds. Not only that, but the clouds surrounding the house were all dark and stormy. There were even a few bats flying around at the top.

"What in the world…?" Candace asked, finally having regained her breath.

"Oh, that's just a haunted house Ferb and I built to scare the hiccups out of Isabella." Phineas explained turning to look at his creation.

"You… built an entire haunted house… because Isabella… has the hiccups?" Candace asked slowly.

"Yep." Phineas answered. "You shouldn't sound so surprised, you helped us build a machine to make a giant ice cream sundae for her like 2 weeks ago."

"Well, yeah but that was ice cream, Phineas. This is a _building_." Candace said staring at the building.

"I don't see your point." Phineas replied before Ferb whistled at him from inside. "Oh, Isabella's on her way. I gotta get ready."

"Right, well what am I supposed to do? There's a snake in my room!" Candace asked as Phineas put on a lab coat, black pants and a funny wig.

"I thought it was a spider?" Phineas asked opening a small box and pulling out a folded-up costume.

"No, it wasn't a spider." Candace answered as Phineas unfolded the costume to reveal a giant… monster… thing.

"Well if it was one of our snakes, don't worry. They're just garden snakes. Completely harmless." Phineas explained stepping inside the costume.

"Well, good luck with… whatever that is." Candace said before entering the house right as she heard the wooden gate creaking open. Plopping down on the couch in the living room, Candace pulled out her phone to tell Stacy about how she failed at talking to Jeremy. Except her phone wasn't there. Patting down all the pockets in her skirt she realized that she must have dropped it in her room.

"Gosh diddly darnit." Candace said, slowly making her way up the staircase. Arriving at her bedroom, she gulped before slipping inside the still-open doorway. Creeping her way towards her bed Candace saw her phone lying on it. "So far so good." Candace said to herself as she got closer to the bed.

Quickly snatching the phone off her bed, Candace quickly looked all around her and saw no sign of the snake. Shrugging, Candace exited her room quickly and closed the door. Walking back downstairs she flopped onto the couch. Looking at her phone she saw she had several missed calls from Jeremy!

Screaming in delight Candace rolled around and giggled to herself for several minutes before realizing what he must've heard when she dropped her phone. Just before she started to dial Jeremy's number she heard someone screaming from the backyard. Not the good kind of the scream, the 'I'm going to die!' scream. Rushing outside she saw Phineas falling out of the sky!

"Quick, everyone! Sashes!" Isabella shouted, bringing Candace's view from the sky to the ground where all the Fireside girls are connecting their sashes to make a trampoline. Luckily it works! Phineas landed on the trampoline and bounced upward, before Isabella caught him in her arms.

"Now _that_ … was scary." Isabella said to the boy in her arms. "Hey, my hiccups are gone!"

Phineas opened his mouth to say something but someone burst through the wooden gate, making everyone turn to look at them.

"Oh, Candace! There you are!" Jeremy said with relief. "After that last phone call, I didn't know what to expect."

"Oh…" Candace started to say giggling nervously. "Well there was this snake… and I kind of…"

"As long as you're alright it's fine. Let's get you inside, you can tell me all about it." Jeremy said leading her inside of the house.

As the Fireside Girls, Buford and Baljeet left the backyard, Linda entered the backyard and saw Isabella holding Phineas, meanwhile Ferb was nowhere to be found. "Hello, boys I- oh! Am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all." Phineas said climbing out of Isabella's arms, much to her disappointment.

"Well, I'm back from my book club. Jeremy convinced me to leave early to drive him over." Linda said, walking towards the house. "Well don't let me stop you." And with that, she entered the house.

"What did she mean by that?" Phineas asked confused, turning to Isabella who was blushing slightly.

"Oh, you know how moms are." Isabella answered, giggling nervously, only confusing Phineas more.

Phineas opened his mouth to say something but a loud crash interrupted him, turning, they saw that the haunted house had returned to their backyard. After a few seconds of silence, Phineas opened his mouth once more but was cut off as the haunted house started to disappear, floor by floor. After it was gone, Phineas opened his mouth a third time, confident he would be able to speak.

"Have either of you seen my satchel?" Baljeet asked, opening the wooden gate to the backyard.

Phineas pointed to the corner of the yard where Baljeet's satchel was sitting. Giving up, Phineas simply entered his house, followed by Isabella.

 _ **Here's the second 30-minute/2-part episode/chapter I've written. ONTO THE REVIEWS!**_

 _ **First of all, thanks to gamelover41592, asperman1 and HankryZone1313 for their kind words on the last chapter.**_ **:)**

 _ **Second of all, I, too, enjoy seeing Candace as a more caring person, Hankry. I still enjoy the 'real' version of her from the show, though. Not to say she doesn't care at all, it's obvious she cares for their safety and such… but I think you get what I mean.**_

 _ **Oh, and on that note, a little epilogue…**_

Later that day, after Jeremy was told of the events leading up to Candace's sudden phone call interruption and had a good laugh about it and it went home, Candace approached Phineas. She had cornered him in the living room after everyone else had left to do various things around the house.

"Phineas…" Candace started to say.

"Yes, Candace?" Phineas asked, before Candace pulled him into a hug.

"Don't scare me like that!" Candace said as Phineas returned the hug.

"Well, it's not like I did it on purpose." Phineas said as they broke away from each other.

"I know, I know. Just try to be more careful?"

"Of course, but you know, not even the most careful person in the world can prepare for a building to be lifted off the ground by some mysterious force."

Candace laughed lightly. "I guess that's true, but I have one more question for you."

"What is it, sis?"

"Why in the world was Buford dressed up like Jeremy's little sister?"


	33. Soon

It has been nearly an entire year since I last updated, nothing bad has happened I'm just really, really, really, _really,_ lazy. But soon™ I will post a new chapter.


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